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6 Reasons You’re Thankful You Don’t Go to Central Michigan

We’re all aware that Western Michigan is a better college than Central Michigan, but it’s always heartwarming to be reminded why. Sometimes we may find it necessary to pity those who go to that university up north; then again, they chose to go there, didn’t they? The Black Sheep has construed a few reasons why WMU students are thankful they don’t go to CMU:

6.) We don’t associate ourselves with a piece of food:
Students who attend CMU know “Fire Up, Chips” means getting pumped up or doing well or whatever to make them feel like a good school. But anyone who’s never heard this before are going to wonder why this school wants to roast up some potato crisps. Should we start a food drive so they have more to eat? Be thankful, Broncos.

5.) Our parties actually exist:
The staff at The Black Sheep has had their fair share of insane parties down in Frat Ville after a football game, and so we decided to venture up north to see what a CMU party was like after one of theirs. When we got there, we thought a tornado had just struck the town. We were wrong; they just don’t have anything to celebrate. Maybe if CMU knew how to “do the sport” they’d be more fired-up to eat some chips at a party.

4.) We have other activities to do other than cow tipping:
Kalamazoo is known for its beer enthusiasts, art and music culture, and obviously, WMU. Mount Pleasant, though, is full of vast cornfields and cows grazing in pastures. On a Saturday night, you could catch a few sober CMU students wandering fields in hopes of harassing some innocent cows. No wonder why Mount Pleasant is such a ghost town with no parties, they’re out and about messing with those poor gentle giants.

3.) Mount Pleasant is neither mountainous nor pleasant:
So we’ve covered that Mount Pleasant is covered with miles of cornfields, sober cow-tippers, and a post-apocalyptic party scene, so where does that leave room for a mountain or any sign of pleasantness? It doesn’t. Mount Pleasant is flatter than a pancake and gloomier than Trump on immigration.

2.) Our commercials don’t suck:
The highlight of a CMU commercial is the fact that they can harvest their own corn on the flat terrain of Mount Pleasant. WMU proudly boasts about our aviation and engineering program, the arts, our beloved marching band, and the list goes on. What does CMU have to be proud about, again?

1.) Our mascot is better than theirs:
If we put a Bronco and a Chippewa into a battle arena, who do you think would win? Obviously the wild horse is going to stampede that mascot in less than 5 five seconds with absolutely no mercy. CMU would have probably been the cornhuskers if another college hadn’t already taken it. So, they resorted to the only semi-cool thing going for them, that they are the only city in the Midwest that was built on an Indian reservation.

So at Thanksgiving dinner when it’s your turn to say what you’re thankful for before you shove your face with victuals, remember to tell your family that you’re grateful you don’t go to CMU.

Hey dummy, listen (AND SUBSCRIBE) to our podcast.

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