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5 Neglected Chores Made Easier When You Use Weed As a Reward

Chores are tough, especially when your mom refuses to make your bed anymore. It’s part of this whole “becoming an adult” thing, and that means smoking less of your dank stash of ganja. One way to finish your chores more efficiently is to reward yourself with getting high via God’s green gift to the world.

5.) Cleaning the bathroom:
This is a chore that should be split up among roommates, but that’s wishful thinking. Take initiative and clean the weeks months, worth of gross grime that has turned your bathroom into a mosaic of whites, browns and yellows. It’s gross, but imagine taking that fresh, high-shower in a pristine bathroom. Bonus, afterward if any of your roommates ask for a hit you can say, “You want a hit? Then clean up your shit!”

4.) Hang up idle laundry:
It’s hard to get yourself to hang up your shirts when the alternative is leaving them piling higher and higher on your office chair. How about you just put the bong out of sight for a little while and get to grabbing some hangers and shrink that mountain of cloth bit by bit. By having a chair with no clothes draped over it, you actually have a place to sit to get blitzed.

3.) Grocery Shopping:
After getting high, the idea of venturing out of your college abode seems like a nightmare, because it involves subjecting yourself to strangers who totally know you are super high and have been staring at cheese for 20 minutes. Thus, you should grocery shop then get high. This way when you get home you can spark up with your newly purchased tub of cookie dough under one arm and a box of cosmic brownies under the other.

2.) Vacuuming:
Your carpet may already have been disgusting when you moved in, but it is exponentially grosser due to late night munchies and stepped-on Doritos all over the place. Believe it or not, carpets do not vacuum themselves; people usually do that. If you’re lucky, maybe you’ll suck up enough weed crumbles to pack a bowl so you can celebrate finishing another obligatory household task.

1.) Watering the plants:
Relying on the rain is one way to make sure your little green friends blossom and thrive, but no good plant owner would put these oxygen givers through that kind of inconsistent care. Just fill a cup with some water and… oh you don’t have any plants? Perfect! That means this chore is done and you are a go for mission impotsible.

Life is a little bit hazy now, isn’t it? That’s good! Congratulations, your home is now clean(ish), which no doubt feels great. Look around at your hard work and then look down and the marijuana in your hand and take another hit. Let that hit remind you that now you no longer have to worry about getting anything done, well, at least for another few days, or weeks…or months.

Nice and high already? Listen to our podcast, it’ll be much funnier then!

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