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WMU Junior Resolves to Eating at the Valley Dining Center to Lose Weight

 Steven Juggo, a WMU junior who is currently living in the Burnhams, plans on eating at the Valley Dining Center in hopes of losing the freshman fifteen he’s been trying to drop for two years.

“I remember walking with my friends up the valley hill just to grab a snack” Juggo tells The Black Sheep, “I feel like I lost more calories going to the Bernhard Center to smash on the taco buffet than my usual diet of Mountain Dew and Doritos when I stay in all night to play video games.”

Juggo, his mouth full, added, “Look, I know it may seem silly, but it’s probably better to walk across campus to eat three cheeseburgers than to walk half a yard to the Burnhams dining area to eat a freaking salad. Plus, have you ever had a salad? Shit is gross.”

On top of the freshman fifteen Juggo has gained, he collected five more pounds between Christmas and New Year’s just from sitting around and mindlessly eating holiday treats with his family.

“Hey, there wasn’t nothing to walk to,” Juggo opined. “’cept the kitchen and that was only a few feet away. No wonder I was packin’ on the pounds.”

Juggo is determined that his New Year’s resolution was to maintain his eating habits, but get more exercise. At first he didn’t know how he could do such a thing, but soon the thought of the new dining center dawned on him.

“Those freshmen are probably gaining so much weight because food is a few steps away, they’re going to be so jealous when they see me eating everything I want, but I won’t be gaining weight! Pizza! Nachos! Everything! Dumb fat idiots will never know I’m from the Burnhams.”

Juggo isn’t motivated to go to the Rec Center, which is only a quarter of the walking distance than walking to the Valleys.

“Everyone thinks the Rec Center is the perfect place for Broncos to get a great start on those New Year’s resolutions, but they’re wrong. What’s the motivation when you go to the gym? Seeing sweating hot girls running on the treadmill? I think not. My motivation is exercising towards a sweating hot slice of pepperoni pizza.”

The Black Sheep tailed Juggo to see if he was actually up for the challenge. Once we reached the Sindicuse parking lot, we noticed the WMU junior had a bit of fear in his eyes.

“Maybe I’ll just go on the days when it’s above 40 degrees,” the WMU junior noted. “I’m sure we’ll be getting plenty of those the month of January, it’s about time Michigan warms up for winter!”

Juggo plans to keep up this “workout” as long as the weather is cooperating and he plays at least 6 hours of Call of Duty: WWII each day.

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