Well Broncos, finals week is coming at us faster than a shot of tequila on Tuesday night. This means that it is time for everyone to put down the stolen fifth of Fireball and get down to some actual business. Of course, no one has been to class since day one, so how will you ever convince your hardass professor that you are worthy of passing? Since Western’s professors are far more intense and demanding than other universities, here are five ways that you can get onto a WMU professor’s nice list just in time to not fail:
5.) Publicly agree with every word they say:
Sometimes in life, you just have to suck it up and agree with everything your teacher says like they’re your neighborhood pot dealer telling you he’s “technically a real salesman.” You may not agree with everything your business professor at Haworth says, such as his views on why Trump is excelling at his job, but constantly shouting out your agreement in front of the class is always appreciated. Go to the furthest of measures to do so even if you have to constantly annoy the class, since there’s always one of those overachieving douches in every room already.
4.) Talk to them like they’re one of the bros:
Whenever your communications professors enters the classroom, chat them up and build an intimate bond between yourself and them. Talk all about the amount of beer you chugged at ATO or how you spent $150 at the Goat only to get stood up by a girl you met on Tinder. These professors will certainly love how you share your personal problems and likely change your grade. You might even discover a potential wingman here!
3.) Get them a heartfelt-felt gift:
You may have an F in your calc class, but a great way to kiss ass is to buy your WMU professor a gift. The mathematical aficionados of Sangren would likely enjoy gifts that include Ciroc or a bag of mid-shelf wine. This’ll show that you actually care about a prof’s feelings, and they’ll give you that grade that you desperately need to not retake finite again. A gift shows that you’re a considerate student has much more to offer than just your smartass comments during class.
2.) Constantly mention how much you love the class:
If you stand up and go on and on about how much you love your philosophy class at Kohrman Hall, your deep-thinking professor will think that you’ve become the next Socrates. Express true interest in whichever class you may currently be in; whether it is Underwater Basket Weaving or The Sociology of Lindsay Lohan, act like you love what you’re talking about and show your professor that you are clearly more interested than anyone else could ever be.
1.) Show up to every single office hours:
Sometimes it’s the little things in life that mean the most, like showing up to the office hours that professors love to hold. Nothing will show your overworked prof that you suddenly care about passing like showing up at their door in Snyder the second it opens. Sure, you’ve never been to one before, but that shouldn’t stop you from personally asking your instructor every question they’ve already answered in class. Teachers love repeating themselves, right?
Professors at Western may seem like the overachieving pricks you all know and hate, but they are the only ones that can save your asses last minute. So get your ass to Waldo and figure out how you’re gonna make it on that nice list of theirs!
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