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The 7 Cliches You’ll Find at the Terrace this Season

Today is one of the most cherished days in UW-Madison life – the day the iconic sunburst terrace chairs get filed out onto the Memorial Union Terrace by civilians so that random, sweaty butts can occupy them all summer long. And while we’re concerned about the labor laws involved in having citizens file down the street to unload the chairs from a truck and carry them to the Terrace, and we’re not totally sure where the chairs sit all winter long, the community is still overall pretty excited. But before you head to the Terrace to catch some rays, or whatever it is you do, you need to be prepared for what you might see out there. It’s a dangerous world, and you’ve all been locked inside an everlasting snow globe for the last six months. You best know what you’re getting yourself into. Here are the seven types of people you’ll see at the Terrace this season.

7.) The guy with a bluetooth speaker:
He probably has his shirt off and is wearing those Vans shoes that look like black marshmallows on your feet. And he is carrying his pocket-sized wireless speaker on his shoulder like a friggin’ boombox– and “Angel” by Shaggy is all he’s playing.

6.) The cards crew:
There’s always a group of friends at one of the picnic tables playing some variation of rummy. They most likely tried one of the microbrews on tap and all of them hate it and wish they were at home binge-watching Westworld!

5.) Aspiring models:
Odds are they’re in a denim jacket and they dragged one of their friends who has pounds of homework to do down there to snap some pics. They won’t be happy with any of them and will just end up having someone else take more pics the next day. If you see one tell them to go home.

4.) Children:
I know it’s a pretty family-friendly place, but you should just be prepared that you aren’t getting your paper done here, and it’s not a place of meditation. Kids screaming over their Daily Scoop ice cream, parents screaming at them to not throw rocks at the ducks – overall it’s a scene that makes for both great birth control and a hostile studying environment.

3.) Underagers: 
They’re ungodly easy to spot. Every few minutes you’ll see a new bunch of them being filed out by a Union worker where they’ll be led to a dark office and have their IDs stripped away from them and be put on Union probation for a week. And then you’ll see a new group of them fill the empty chairs a few minutes later, and the cycle repeats. The Union does not mess around with underagers. (Pro tip: Bring an opaque water bottle with your alcohol of choice.)

2.) Real outdoorsmen:
Occasionally, there are some really roughin’-it kinda people there, and they’re going to make you feel like you’re using the Terrace wrong. They roll in on a paddleboard wearing a bandana, looking like they’ve been stranded in the middle of Lake Mendota for months. They grab a pitcher of beer for the road and then hop on their bike down the dirt lakeshore path. A real gemstone of the Terrace Community.

1.) Puppers:
Arguably the most important member of the Terrace Community is the pupper. They come in all shapes and sizes, and all they’re there for is pets and dropped french fries. Dogs aren’t a cliche, and we’re sorry for even attributing literally anything negative to a dog ever, I guess unless they’re all up in your shit or barking non stop, but still, strive to spend a Terrace day like a pupper sometime this season– happy and carefree! 

Enjoy the belated spring weather, Badgers. You deserve it!

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