If you’ve been to the L&S Career Fair you know that there are only two types of students in attendance: business majors, and everyone else. But, UW has finally taken pity on the kind-hearted, introspective liberal arts majors. Leaders on campus have realized how completely inadequate liberal arts majors are compared to those cut-throat, suit-wearing sons of bitches in the Business School. Although the university has provided a Career Fair Prep Night for unprepared students, liberal arts students still had not a damn clue how to get a job. To give them a fighting chance, L&S Career Services put on its first ever Career Fair Prep Night-Prep Night. This exclusive event, only for liberal arts students, was aimed at helping prospective employees feel prepared to take advantage of Prep Night, so that they could then ultimately feel prepared for the actual Career Fair.
The event was brought about by a recent student survey which showed that Career Fair Prep Night had them reaching for their roommates’ Xanax. Liberal arts students reported feeling less adequate and more nervous than ever. The three business students who responded to the survey, however, stated that they didn’t learn anything they didn’t already know. The results reiterated just how screwed liberal arts majors are. One L&S student stated that she felt “completely misled,” and went on to ask, “How the hell can you put the label ‘fair’ on such a horrible, horrible place? It’s not fun like a fair, and that whole thing wasn’t ‘fair’ at all! Those damn business assholes make the rest of us look terrible. Like, sorry I used a paper folder and not a $100, leather portfolio my dad bought.”
The new event, designed to prepare students for Prep Night, hosted several workshops aimed at helping liberal arts students disguise their vast number of shortcomings. Many of the workshops were run by Business School professors, since they are the only ones who have anything to offer on the subject. David Tyler, instructor of the workshop, “Faking Your References: Which Friend to Choose to Act as Your ‘Former Boss’,” indicated that his workshop was very well attended. When asked why it was such a success he responded, “Most liberal arts majors don’t have previous job experience because no one wants to hire someone with a worthless degree.” Another workshop, “Lying on Your Resume: Bragging without Claiming to Cure Cancer,” was equally well-received.
Career Fair Prep Night-Prep Night coordinator, Doris Brown, described her thought processes when planning the event. “We wanted to not only give students the skills for getting the job, but also wanted to prepare them for what happens when they don’t get one. If we face the facts, business majors will get all the good jobs, and the rest of the students are stuck with what’s left— which isn’t much. So, we included sessions to prepare our students for this, such as, “Thriving as Homeless Person,” which is actually taught by that guy who offers free jokes on State Street.”
Prep Night-Prep Night proved to be a great success. Many students in attendance reported feeling much less worried about Career Fair Prep Night. One student did comment however, saying, “Prep Night-Prep Night was very helpful, but I was pretty nervous to go. It would be nice if they could offer some sort of training for it so that I could come in with calmed nerves.”
Career Fair Prep Night-Prep Night is expected to be a regular event, so get it on your calendars for next Career Fair season, unless you’re in the business school and have your shit together already.