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7 Better Generic Dude Names We Could’ve Named the New SERF

The university recently announced that what was previously known as the SERF will now be renamed the “Nick” after reconstruction, which is short for the Nicholas Recreation Center. And while the sentiment is well-due, as Ab and Nancy Nicholas donated $20 million to the newly-constructed facility, you can’t help but think, “Just what we needed. Another building on campus named after a dude.”

So to prove to you how easy it is to choose any plain man name and make it work, here are 7 more generic-ass guy names we could have named the new gym.

7.) Jim:
LAUGH ALL YOU WANT, jerks, but this would be a really lovely option. “Hey bro, I’m headed to the Jim.” For months people who didn’t see the title written out in text would simply think UW was getting too literal with their naming, a typical pinko commie move. 

6.) John:
Imagine a bunch of freshmen during their first week at school overhearing some girls talking about hitting the John together later. The possibilities are endless. “Hey you going to Red Shed tonight?” “Yeah, after I sweat out an hour or two in the John, ugh.” 

5.) Pete:
Short for “Compete” as in sports and stuff. Look, this is easy, we’re doing just fine ok. 

4.) Dan:
It sounds almost like an old tavern with splintered barstools and small bathrooms with almost no lighting and an older crowd of creeps who won’t stop insisting you play a round of pool with them, but it could also work for a workout facility. 

3.) Colin:
People will have a talking point and be able to argue about the spelling for years, and it really gives a warm, encouraging welcome to anyone who wants to wear Patagonia and joggers every day.

2.) Will:
Will I work up the will to go to the Will this week? Stay tuned.

1.) Any female name:
Literally anything but another dude would have been better.

To be fair, it is true that Nancy Nicholas is included in the naming, since it’s their shared last name, but at what point is “The Nancy” considered first? Or “The Nancelot,” or something just way cooler than the Nick? I guess that’s what $20 million and the patriarchy gets you.

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