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Sun Can’t Wait to Get ‘Totally’ Blacked Out For First Time Since Nineties

Sun, citing its inability to get “totally” blacked  since July 1991, is “stoked” to be blacked out by the moon in the U.S. for the first in “what feels like ever, man.”

“I’m just ready to let loose and take a break, really,” Sun said on the evening before a total eclipse that is expected to halt most humans in the U.S. for two minutes during the afternoon. “Heating up the Earth, providing sunlight for the human race, melting ice, causing glare through your car windshield — it really takes a toll on you after awhile.”

In preparation for the “blackout for the ages,” Sun is hiding behind clouds in the Eastern part of the world on Sunday night before blacking out in the U.S. during the afternoon.

“What I do behind those clouds will prep me for definitely blacking out for all my U.S. fans on Monday,” Sun said.  

Working full-time as the sole reason behind human existence has taken quite the toll on Sun, who said he hasn’t had a full day off in “literally forever.”

“Working pretty much 24 hours a day, every single day, suuuuuuuuuuuucks,” Sun said. “I’m looking forward to coming into Monday with a two-minute blackout on my mind.”

Moon offered condolences for Sun, saying that Sun is always “work, work, work and never rest and play.”  

“Listen, I get to blackout before midnight pretty much every month,” Moon said, explaining his phase as a new moon every 28 days. “Sun hasn’t blacked out in almost 30 years, and that was only in Hawaii. That’s insane.”

“Let the guy take a break, let loose for a minute or two,” Moon continued. “Let me shock and awe humanity for a few minutes by letting Sun forget what his job is. It’s the least I can do.”

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