Stories By Percy Percy
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Cornell
What Each Cornell Major Will Be Day Drinking Over the Study Period
It’s the calm before the storm–that weird lull between the final round of prelims and the...
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Cornell
Cornell Students Relieved to See Familiar Dreary Skies after Three Days of Burning Sunshine
After what seemed like an eternity burning in the hellish heat of the sun from a...
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Cornell
A Guru’s Guide to Achieving Self Contentment This Prelim Season
So it’s that time of semester–again. Only this time, tensions are high and grades are at...
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Cornell
5 Ways to Survive Ithaca Weather until Summer Arrives… If it Ever Arrives
Your mother calls you. She asks you what the weather’s like in Ithaca. You tell her...
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Cornell
5 Ways Cornell Will Give You a Heart Attack (If it Hasn’t Already)
What’s that sharp pain in your chest? Feeling short of breath, lightheaded? Do you feel like...
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Cornell
How to Eat in Collegetown for Under $3
Now, now calm down there. Have a sit down, a sip of water, maybe a sip...
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Cornell
Cornell Student Opts to Prolong February Break Forever
Shaun Angel-King ’20 spent break doing “absolutely fucking nothing.” He has reportedly forgotten about homework and...
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Cornell
Dear Ithaca Wind, Please Kindly F*ck Off
Ithaca wind, you old fucking bastard. Why is it impossible to escape your malevolent grasp? There...
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Cornell
5 Signs You’re in Denial Spring Semester at Cornell is Legit Happening
Cornell’s a great place–if you forget about the bone-numbing cold and the depression-fueling rigor of the...
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Cornell
Is It Too Soon to Skip Class at Cornell After Just One Week Back?
This is a question that plagues each and every one of us every time we oversleep,...