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Sexiled BU Freshman Moves to the Nature Preserve

Adam Nolan has had enough. After being sexiled by his roommate for the fifteenth time this semester, Nolan decided he had to move out.

Unfortunately, since the school admitted every high schooler from Long Island, the rest of the living communities were full and Nolan could not move off campus due to his financial aid. Out of options, Nolan decided to take matters into his own hands.

Nolan went to Wal-Mart and bought a $39.99 tent to set up in the Nature Preserve, which he now sleeps in. He also makes sure to wash up wherever he can. “Sometimes I’ll go at the gym if I’m lucky, other times I have to resort to the pond. It’s cool as long as I stay off the turtle’s turf.”

Other students have mixed reactions to his new life plan.

“I mean, it was a little weird going for an early hike and seeing a guy naked in our pond-lake thing? I’m all for naked guys, but not first thing in the morning,” junior Sabrina Laupo commented.

We asked Nolan what it’s like living in the Nature Preserve, “I mean, it kind of sucks. But it is better than walking into my room and seeing my roommate…you know…being sucked off. Besides, I’ve become friends with the deer! Let me show you!”

Nolan walked towards the deer, and they instantly ran away.

With winter coming, Nolan is not sure when or if he will move back into his dorm room. He does promise though that if the time comes, he will bring the deer into his dorm room because his roommate is deathly terrified of deer. 

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