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6 Girls Who Shouldn’t Be Allowed in The Composite


The end of the semester is quickly approaching, and that means that everyone’s all like, freaking out about their composite photo shoots. This is mostly because half of the girls in organizations like, show up late looking like they just woke up from a SERIOUS pino-hangover. How are you supposed to win hottest srat of the year with a bunch of scrappy, half-dead looking girls scattered throughout your finalized composite? Here are the chicks you gotta look out for to make sure they don’t ruin it for everyone else!


The Stoner:




She’ll show up an hour and a half late with a blunt behind her ear. She’ll be higher than Bob Marley sitting at the top of Mount Everest, and her eyes will be so red that not even the most talented makeup guru in the group will be able to fix it. She always giggles at the wrong time when we mix with frats and makes us look all weird and stuff. And she’s constantly stuffing her pot-head face with like, really gross sugary and fatty foods.


The Absentee Member:




Don’t count on her showing up to the shoot, because it’s likely that she didn’t know it was happening anyway. She’s only in the organization because her mom made her join. Her mom actually made us take her, too. She basically like wrote this death-threat letter of recommendation for her and totally implied that she was gonna call nationals on us if her weird daughter didn’t get in. Anyway, she doesn’t like us as much as we don’t like her so it’s whatever, to be honest.


The Mole Person:




This is the girl who shows up covered head to toe in dirt and hisses at the camera flash every time it goes off. In order to get her to sit still and have her picture taken, you all know that at least two of the girls in the group will have to donate their fuzzy pink handcuffs to restrain her. On top of that, the photographer has to be paid extra to dangle a piece of cheese or a worm or something in front of the camera to get her attention, and it’s honestly just a mess, really.


The Overly Spirited One:




Although she denies it, this girl definitely went out and got her letters tattooed on her ass the second she was initiated. The sex handcuffs have to come out again for this bitch ‘cause she’s so excited about having her picture taken that she can’t sit still. Honestly, to be honest, like it totally wouldn’t surprise me if she got off at night to our letters. Like, she probably would shove them up her tattooed ass and enjoy it.


The Satanist:




She doesn’t really care about sisterhood, but the house apparently makes for a great place to set up her séances since she swears it was built on Native American burial grounds. While everyone else is out partying, she stays in and gets all weird and puts salt on the floor which like, sucks to clean up. I mean seriously, we have to get a frat pledge in here every morning to lick it all up, it’s getting old.


The Masculine One:




Her muscles intimidate you, and her chest hair is fuller than everyone else’s. She’s not really into shopping cause her dick shows through most of the clothes that she ends up trying on, but when it comes to making friends with frat guys she’s the one with all the connections. She’ll probably ask if she can pose with like, a football or something.


We recommend that in order to save your composite photos this year, conveniently “forget” to schedule a time for any of them to come in. Sure, they’re still your sisters, but more of the lock-them-in-the-attic-and-pretend-they-don’t-exist type. Doesn’t mean you don’t love them or anything like that. 


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