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7 Signs Your Roommate is a Soulless Robot

 

Have you ever wondered, “Hey, is my roommate a robot?” Whether you have or have not, take note, wildcats, as today you may find that all along you’ve been missing these seven signs that your “bromie” has actually been a “brobot” all along.

 

7.) They Don’t Take Showers:

Maybe they’re just gross and don’t take personal cleanliness into consideration, or maybe they’re just a robot. Robots can’t take showers or they’ll short circuit, obviously. So is your roommate stinky because of lack of care, or because of their electronic wiring?

 

6.) They Are Way Too Good at Math:

Robots have built-in mathematical capabilities much stronger than your old run-of-the-mill graphing calculator. Is your roommate constantly solving mathematic equations? Do they seem to solve impossible calculations in their brain within 1 second without showing their work? Sure, they might just be smart… but they’re probably a robot.

 

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5.) They Walk Through the Bowl by Willy T:

Not many people walk through the muddy bowl of Willy T. Sure, it is faster, but it’s definitely against the social norms of campus. Surely a robot wouldn’t mind doing this since they have no emotional capabilities and it is technically a “faster route”.

 

4.) They Don’t Drink. At All.:

Not all college kids drink on the weekends. However, if your roommate is very reluctant to ever even come near beer, it might be because they’re in fact a computable operating machine. Robots can’t drink beer or any alcohol at all because it would corrode their internal operating system.

 

3.) They Twitch:

This could be because of a medical condition, but it’s just as likely that it’s because they’re running low on battery charge. When a robot gets to the 10% remaining, it, like your iPhone, often crashes without warning. Sometimes this can result in uncontrollable and random twitching.

 

2.) They Don’t Sweat:

It’s no secret that Kentucky weather is changing more than college style fads. Normal students are seen wearing thick coats to their 8 a.m.’s and shorts to their 3 p.m.’s. Robots, however, do not feel the cold or warmth and do not have the glands in their bodies to produce perspiration. Therefore, if your roommate is seen wearing thick coats and sweatpants in the warmer afternoons or wearing shorts and t-shirts in the frigid mornings and seem to not even mind the weather, they’re probably a robot. Also, if they skip their classes when it rains, this is also a sign that your roommate is a robot.

 

1.) They Didn’t Cry When UK Lost the Final Four Last Year:

Whether we’d like to admit it or not, all UK students at least had a tear in their eye as our basketball team came to its first and only loss last year against Wisconsin. If your roommate didn’t shed a tear or two, it’s probably because they don’t have tear ducts, because robots don’t have tear ducts.

 

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