Oh No! Drunk Becky had 6 too many cocktails last night and woke up in the U-Haul parking lot on West Wash. and Bedford. How did she get there? No one fucking knows, including Drunk Becky. Plus, all her shit is gone and she has to meet her roommates for brunch at DLUX in less than 2 hours! Can you help her find all of her possessions after a night out of partying? If you follow Drunk Becky’s hints and email the CORRECT answers to helpbecky@theblacksheeponline you’ll win a prize! (We’ll give you beer or something, maybe, depends on if we think you’re a dick).
Last time I remember having my earrings was at a pregame. I wanted to really be “All About That Bass,” so I took my earring out so that my head would fit inside the subwoofer. Smart idea because I didn’t want my hoop getting stuck on a cord and electrocuting me or something. I know I was in a big apartment complex… and I remember bitching about the freshmen being too close. I definitely got trapped on the roof at one point, where I made faces at the nerds studying in the SAC.
I then fell down a bunch of stairs… or maybe up? I got hella-bruises on my shins so something happened. They had two bar counters, plus I remember whipping some guy’s ass in foos-hockey. I felt uneasy the whole time I was there though… like I was being judged for drinking too much, and rolling around on the stairs, and spilling my shit all over the ground. Which reminds me, have you seen my phone?
This next place was super-cool and I felt so sophisticated around an older crowd. You should have seen me strolling around with my fancy wine glass—pinky out—chatting and laughing with all the gentlemen. Oh, it was a jovial time; it was the best part of the night, except that I was freezing afterwards. Disclaimer: Drunk Becky was actually running into people and spilled wine all over herself. She flung her jacket around and whipped it up into a tree branch before getting kicked out for repeatedly asking a married bartender to join her in the bathroom.
SO HUNGRY! I needed food STAT, so I went and got ice cream. Wait, no I didn’t; I was already so cold without my damn jacket. I know I was at least eating bread…think I got a sandwich… wait no, there was so much cheese. Yes, cheese everywhere, as far as my eyes could see. And I was sitting in a booth and I remember bitching at the staff because they should have been playing Italian music. I was so fucking clever… until I walked outta there without my purse.
Then I fell down another staircase… at least I didn’t feel it this time. They were pumping some crazy shit here. Definitely got my groove on; though the dance floor was full of more staircases so I fell a lot (the flashing lights weren’t helping either). Also, I couldn’t find any cash—I swore I had a few bucks on me—but some fuckboy in boat shoes and a button-down bought me the tiniest drink I ever saw. Lost my dignity at this place… not sure if I’ll find that again.
I woke up without my shoes, but they were in the back of a U-Haul. I can’t be late to brunch again; Gretchen will have a bitch-fit. If you can help me find these 5 places I’d be super happy! Shoot ‘em over to my email email@example.com, to get a sweet prize!