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Booze Review: Colt 45

 

Contrary to what the song “Colt 45” by Afroman may suggest, this drink is the last thing you need in your life. If you’re only willing to pay as much as you would for a taco to get 40 ounces of liquor, you need to reevaluate your life. But if you’re on Team Broke Boy like most of us, it’ll have to do.

 

Grade: D+

Smells Like:

A homeless vagrant soiled their pants inside the stall of a Walmart bathroom.

Tastes Like:

Crippling depression.

Typical Drinkers:

– People who drink and play craps in alleys.

– Your dad after all of your high school football game losses.

– Frat boys who express their feelings by breaking shit.

– The unemployed.

User Comments:

– “Why would God give us hands if he didn’t want us taping 40s to them?”

– “…And that’s by far the cheapest way I’ve ever gotten a public indecency charge.”

– “This tastes like I won’t be waking up for work tomorrow morning.”

– “I’ll blow you behind this dumpster right now if you buy me a cheeseburger.”

Best Described as a Drink Superior To:

The curdled milk that pledges have to chug in order to initiate into frats.

What the Bum on Green Street Would Say if You Told Him You Drink This:

“ Uhhhgh….let me tell you about the Korean War, sonny. I didn’t kill a dozen of those commie bastards to have people drinkin’ that bullshit. Anyway, you got any change? I could show you my place behind the dumpster if you’re into that.”

What Did Olde English 800 Say About It?:

“’Sup cuz? Just trying to enjoy myself over here with this paper bag.”

Is Lando Calrissian an Ex-Spokesperson for It?:

You bet he is!

We Mixed it With:

Four Loko to make a Sidewalk Slammer and get on some real bullshit.

 

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