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Booze Review: Ed Hardy Moscato

No, this is not a joke. Well technically by definition, everything on this site is a joke but the existence of this wine is not a joke. The Black Sheep staff actually drank this stuff and we’ve been gradually noticing some inexplicable personality and clothing changes. More updates on those to come… None of the staff liked it at first, but the taste eventually grew on you and, Oh god, where did this Ed Hardy t-shirt come from?! The smell was the least unappetizing aspect because…Where did I get this wallet chain and why are my pants almost on the ground?! So anyway we kept drinking it and…Stop! Please! Why do I smell like really cheap cologne?!?! I’m MELTING…MELTING…

 

Grade: F-

 

Smells Like: Juice. Just juice, no subtle aromas coming from the palate (We no speak good wine words).

 

Tastes Like: Juice, of any variety. Apple, grape…we can’t think of any more types of juice. All we know for sure is it doesn’t taste like wine, or even alcohol.

 

Typical Drinkers: Skimps, scamps and scallywags.

 

User Comments:

 

– “I think Ed Hardy literally just bottled apple juice and relabeled it.”

– “Why is the cork so hard to get out?” “Because even the bottle manufacturer wants to stop you from drinking it.” (Note: The bottle was really, really, hard to open).

– “I’m probably going to get chlamydia just from drinking this.”

 

You’ll like this if you like: Douchebaggy things, like oh we don’t know, Ed Hardy apparel.

 

What Your _____ Anyone Would Say if s/he Saw You Drinking This: “Were we friends before because we definitely are not now.”

 

Common Food Pairing Suggestions: What are douchebag foods? We don’t know. Probably the douche-apple.

 

We Mixed it With: Apple juice probably would have been an improvement, but instead we drank it straight, which is classier than this drink deserved.

 

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