The “Mex” in Tex Mex really pulled through during the last weekend of the summer thanks to Uncle Tex Mex’s generous offering of two super premium tequilas straight from the motherland itself. While Patrón and Jose are fun to slam down every once in a while, sipping on a heavily aged añejo tequila is about as classy as a college student will get when it comes to hitting hard liquor. While your wallet might disagree, here are our thoughts on two tequilas that needn’t be followed with disgusted wincing and sucking the soul out of a lime.
Grades: A & B+
Smells Like: Both have the same crisp aroma that seductively teases your nose saying, “Shh, it’s ok, sugar… so long as you’re with me, it’ll be your heart burning up for me, not those beautiful nostril hairs.”
Tastes Like: Casa Noble has a little bit of a spicy, habanero-heavy kick to it that’ll give those lips a slightly distasteful pucker. On the other hand, Gran Centenario? That goes down with the ease of filtered water and the decadent smoothness of freshly-tapped maple syrup. But like, if maple syrup came from Mexican blue agave leaves.
Typical Drinkers: The epitome of “that one cool uncle,” craft beer enthusiasts looking to give domestic plebs yet another reason to make dated “hipster” jokes, people looking to give up salt and limes for Lent, Americans wanting to sound cool by pronouncing “n” like “ñ.”
User Comments: “Wow… I’m usually driving my teeth into both my salty arm and a lime by now.”
“I feel like I just unearthed Excalibur.”
“No vomit so far. That’s a good sign.”
“I guess I can add this to my ‘list of liquors I can enjoy completely straight’ alongside whiskey now. That’s not good.”
Best Described as an Entirely Predictable Song: “Tequila.” Except this time it doesn’t have to be on an Unofficial playlist.
What Your Hispanic Father Would Say if He Saw Your Drinking This: “Eres un hombre ahora, hijo. ¡Odelay!”
Food Pairing Suggestions: Arrachera with tortillas, cactus, stuffed jalapeños wrapped in bacon, arroz rojo, chips with medium or hot salsa (mild fans need not apply).
You’ll Like This if You Like: Having the chance to actually express your legitimate enjoyment of a tequila shot without disingenuously nodding to your friend before high-tailing it to the bathroom.
We Mixed it With: Nothing, you sacrilegious buffoon.