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Booze Review: Jose Cuervo Especial Tequila Silver

 

We’ve all know that one person who always wants to take tequila shots and becomes an absolute drunken animal afterwards. Like, come on Mom, can we have one family outing where you don’t take your top off? Jeez. Well anyway, Jose Cuervo’s always a good call if you’re trying to kick things up a notch.

Smells Like:

All of your nose hairs burnt off and floated up to nose hair heaven.

 

Tastes Like:

Cultural appropriation and bad decisions.

 

Typical Drinkers:

– People who like dancing on tables.

– Old geezers who listen to Jimmy Buffett.

– People who get their significant other’s name tattooed across their chest in Comic Sans font.

– Anyone with crazy eyes.

– People who really don’t want to get out of bed in the morning, or all day really.

 

User Comments:

– “Do you think I could get us a free round of shots if I flashed the bartender my nipple rings?”

– “I have a Mexican friend so it’s totally ok for me to be wearing this sombrero and acting racist, right?”

– “It’s 5 o’clock in Paris so let’s drink, bitch.”

– “There’s enough booze in this margarita te-kill-ya! Ha ha ha, get it?”

– “Ugh God this tastes like my freshman year spring break in Panama City.”

 

Best Described as a Drink Superior To:

The warm-ass Hamm’s that your friend left under the seat of your Toyota for the past two weeks.

 

What Your Tinder Match Would Say if You Told Them You Drink This:

“Yeah, I don’t think this is going to work out. My ex drank Jose Cuervo and tried to stab me in the heart with a butter knife one time.”

 

We Mixed It With:

Limes and salt. Bottoms up!

If you woke up surrounded by ravaged boxes of Lunchables, then this one is for you:

 

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