It’s freshman year, and the end of September is quickly approaching. The “bangers” at 1237 just aren’t getting the job done anymore. A few friends of yours have discovered the holy grail that is “THE BARS, DUDE.” Fist pumping on top of booths is so much more lit than standing on top of that IKEA table. Unfortunately, night after night midnight rolls around, everyone rallies the group to head to the bars, and you’re left wondering about the sloppy night you could’ve had if only you had a fake ID.
It’s time be proactive; you’re ready to get out there, do some heavy drinking, make regrettable life choices in a much more public space. For those of you who aren’t #blessed with nearly identical looking older siblings; The Black Sheep’s got you covered. We know that itch to blow all your money on Fireball shots isn’t going away anytime soon. So, here are a few highly debatable ways to snag a fake ID.
“I think I want to learn Photoshop” something you’ve told your friends countless times. Well, it’s time to actually go through with it. There are hundreds of videos on Youtube providing step by step instructions on how to Photoshop a copy of your passport. Just photoshop your face onto a 21-year old’s ID, then… uh… glue it onto some cardboard and voila, you’ll be buying 40s of Steel Reserve and having anxiety attacks about your future before the rest of your baby-faced peers.
It’s time to dive into the wonderful world of Yahoo Answers, aka the industry standard when it comes to seeking medical help. If it pulled through when your appendix was feeling a little funny and you needed immediate medical advice, then it’ll definitely pull through with the move to obtain a fake ID. Hit them with something along these lines, “Hey I’m a college student just trying to live, laugh, love to the fullest, but I have no idea how or where to get a fake ID?”
If you’re barraged with responses from people lecturing you don’t fret! Just make a new post, but this time tag on “asking for a friend” at the end. That should unlock the secrets to the world of obtaining fakes via the internet. The same goes for posting on bulletins around campus or craigslist. “Looking for a fake ID call xxx-xxx-xxxx, oh and I’m asking for a friend.”
There’s always that one guy printing fake IDs out of his dorm in U Hall. No one can ever remember his name, no one knows his methods, no one knows where he’s from, HE DOESN’T EVEN GO HERE. Sightings are a rare occasion. You have to ask around for the guy and be prepared with a group of friends to go in on some fake IDs when the time comes.
They may have quite possibly the worst lamination job you’ve ever seen. You’ll probably mess up and have a picture with a shadow in the back, but you’re going to love that thing and you are going to march right up to that bouncer with confidence.
If you haven’t managed to snag a fake ID after trying out all the above methods; WELL THEN, get back to the drawing board or you’re set to miss out on a year’s worth of over-priced, burning Fireball shots.