Oh boy, it’s that time of the year again. The one where the whole family gets back together and political correctness and sobriety get thrown right out the window within the first 20 minutes. Why take a hard, introspective look at your deranged family when you can just drown those thoughts with Evan Williams Egg Nog?
The nail polish of someone who should be going to AA meetings at this point.
Someone’s definitely getting coal in their stocking.
– The mall Santa who carries around a flask (all mall Santas.)
– Those that need a lot of help getting into the Christmas spirit.
– Old ladies who always have the hottest church gossip.
– People who are too lazy to buy egg nog and booze separately.
– “Sure, I’ll try your fruitcake. Let me just kill this entire bottle real quick.”
– “I’m about to ‘ho ho ho’ it up if Dave comes to the office Christmas party if you know what I mean.”
– “Why the hell won’t my boss let me take Christmas Eve Eve off? I’ m starting to buy this whole war on the holidays.”
– “ALL I WANT FOR CHRRRRRRRISTMASS…IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSS YYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUU!!!”
Best described as a drink superior to:
Non-alcoholic egg nog, duh.
What your coworker dave would say to you if you were drinking this at the office Christmas party:
“Hey gimme a swig of that. I’m just trying to work up the courage to talk to Barb from Accounting. I tell ya, I’d like to ride her sleigh tonight, if ya know what I mean. Give her a white Christmas, you know. Get it? We’re gonna bang.”
We mixed it with:
More bourbon. It’s only 30-proof, and the shitshow that 2016 has been calls for at least 90-proof.
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