The Thursday night game is finally here, and if the last few games have made anything obvious, it’s that you’ll probably need to be properly intoxicated to watch our team play. Unfortunately, many professors don’t give a shit about our football team or your needing any excuse to consume excessive amounts of alcohol, and will still hold class during prime tailgate hours (8AM-8PM). The only obvious solution to this dilemma is to tailgate in class with our new drinking game.
What you’ll need:
A shit ton of alcohol discretely hidden. You could try pouring some Kahlua in your ABP coffee, some Smirnoff in your smoothie from Jamba Juice, of just put a beer in a koozie and pretend no one will know it’s not a Diet Coke (until you slam four Diet Cokes in class).
Number of Players:
If you have friends in your classes and they don’t totally suck, make them play with you. If you don’t have friends in your classes yet, you might meet your new best friend once all of your classmates realize what a boozebag you are. Or everyone will judge and hate you. Whatever.
Level of intoxication:
You might not make it to the game. You also might not make it to graduation.
Drink Once When:
– You see someone wearing maroon.
– You see someone wearing orange.
– You see someone wearing maroon AND orange. Before you complain that this rule is absurd, remember that the point of drinking games is to get drunk.
– You look around your class and realize no one is paying attention.
– Someone starts a “Let’s Go!” Chant
– That someone is you.
– Nobody responds with “Hokies!” because you’re in the middle of class and everyone else is sober.
Drink Twice When:
– Someone leaves class early
– Anyone mentions us losing to Pitt, Georgia Tech, or ECU. Actually drink 5 times for this one because it’s depressing.
– You see a Miami fan on campus in between your classes. We’re not going to tell you to yell obscenities at them, but we’re also not going to tell you not to yell obscenities at them.
– Your professor says anything about the game. Put your best bitch face on and take two, long, slow swigs.
– You see someone that is clearly hammered. Take a seat near them in case you run out of alcohol mid-lecture.
Finish Your Drink When:
– You realize how messed up it is that university offices close at 4, but you still have to be in class.
– You realize you should have just skipped class like everyone else.
The Game Ends When:
The actual football game starts. Try to restrain from throwing empty beer cans at your professor for being an asshole and not cancelling class. But if you’re anything like Brewer, you’ll miss your target anyway.