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Duke Pre-Game: What’s Going to Go Down

Well, we’re playing Duke tomorrow. Everyone’s been talking about it. If you were among the fortunate and prosperous who has a student ticket, then you’re reading this with everlasting excitement. You go Glen Coco. If you’re among the other 99%, then you didn’t get a ticket to Saturday’s game and will therefore be forced to glue your eyes to ESPN, before going to Boylan with the rest of the crowd and pretending you were cool enough to see it live. In light of the upcoming festivities, we decided to come up with our own little prediction of what’s really going to happen at the game on Saturday.


The first half of the game will bring delight to the crowd as the Blue Devils consistently travel and foul our esteemed Cavaliers. Which basically means all the free throws London Perrantes could ever dream of. In fact, after two minutes into the game, he’ll start shooting free throws blindfolded. Talk about badass. We’re also hoping to see some court time for Isaiah Wilkins, he’s a freshman, but everyone knows he’s a powerhouse. We’re thinking he’ll rock the court with a couple surprise three pointers to get the Cavaliers off to a good start.


We expect to see some Justin Anderson as well, more specifically; we mean we’re going to see some acrobatics. We’re expecting a flying dunk from the half court line that ends in a somersault and a 10.0 landing. In addition, we’re predicting that Justin flings himself into the crowd because he just can’t stop, won’t stop. We recommend getting to JPJ early so you can get prime student section seating right in front so that you’re in the “catch zone.”


In terms of scoring, obviously, the Cavaliers are going to lead the scoreboard for the entirety of the game. We’ll go into halftime literal leaps and bounds ahead of Duke. During the second half, we’ll let them catch up a bit, just for the sake of being good sports, but only for a couple of 3 pointers. Besides, the Blue Devil offense just lost Rasheed Sulaimon due to some kind of mysterious scandal that got him kicked off the team before March Madness. Our theory is Duke is employing a strategy of acting sketchy in order to psych us out. Lucky for us, we see right through this plan and it’s not going to work. The Blue Devils will be the ones stopped like deer in headlights when they see the spinning piranha that the student section has created to distract our opponents.


All in all, it’s going to be a phenomenal game. It seems to be a coin toss as to Hoo holds the favor to win these days, but we’re not too concerned. The Cavaliers are the ones boasting an undefeated season so far.

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