While stumbling home in a hungover stupor this Halloweekend, one of our writers stumbled upon yet another tiny note from our favorite nutty tipster. Gossip Squirrel takes Halloween, and you’re not going to want to miss the dirt she dishes up.
Hey there South Oaklanders,
You’d think that after I covered bid day, those greeks would learn, but nope. If I had a dollar for every scantily clad sorority girl with animal ears as the main focal point of her costume, I’d have enough to afford my tree-rent this month. I did see some really creative frat star costumes… or was it Risky Business? When in doubt, my advice would be to say either, or get drunk enough to not care.
South O was its usual disgusting self, only in costume. I started out my weekend at Haunted Holland, which filled the quad with screams of terror instead of the usual drunken frat boys. After waiting in the excruciating long funnel cake line (apparently being Gossip Squirrel doesn’t give you a guest pass), I scampered through the tunnels of Holland, and I have to admit… It was almost kind of scary. I didn’t lost my nuts, but I did jump a little.
I then made my way towards my favorite spot for casual debauchery, Atwood Street. One thing I must declare… I found Waldo 15 times this weekend, and that’s no exaggeration. Also I totally saw the couple dressed in the vaguely racist Indian costumes. Just because you do it together, doesn’t mean you’re not being a jagoff, kids.
After avoiding puddles of vomit mixed with Natty, I decided to try my own hand at the scary business. I decided to pelt Antoons with nuts, since the night before Halloween is Mischief Night. Unfortunately, it didn’t really work, and I was chased by Woody from Toy Story. Can’t you people just let some squirrels live and let live?
Shout out to the couple that was making out outside of Doggin’ It, which is easily one of the least romantic places in Oakland to get it on. Passing that cute little display of affection on my way back from the Boulevard to Sorrentos, I decided to try to be a little spooky myself. I hid in a trashcan and jumped out at students as they walked by. I also saw my good friend, Pizza Raccoon, doing his thing and hiding in a tree with some stolen pizza.
When I finally made it to Sorrentos, the line was otherworldly. There were a few freshmen trying to start a “Fuck Penn State” chant, and while usually that brings Pitt students together better than anything, it was 1 a.m. for the second time that night and everyone was too drunk to notice. Luckily I made it in and out with my pizza without being harmed (#blessed), and headed back to my tree.
After sleeping off my squirrel-over, I wandered around South O to see the damage. I honestly have no idea how any of yinz made it home clothed, because I had to scamper around so many discarded costumes.
My favorite Panthers rallied hard and brought the best type of drunken debauchery for actual Halloween. I’m not sure why tennis player was such a popular costume for guys, but it’s on the same level of basic as all those Mean Girls Mice.
All in all, I think South O moderately survived this Halloweekend. I do have it on good authority that Presby got to use their “Room for People on Halloween Who got Alcohol Poisoning” room, but that it was covered in vaguely less vomit than last year.
Until next time my baby Panthers,
I’ll be watching.