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GVSU’s Drunk-Eating Delivery Guide


GVSU’s Allendale campus, for being wedged between cornfields, has a surprising number of delivery options to offer lazy and drunk students. The question then becomes: where to order the best greasy/cheesy/salty/ranch-drowned food when you’re just too drunk to pretend you’re still “eating healthy this semester.” Luckily for you, we’ve decided to review a few of the restaurants that deliver to the campus and surrounding student housing to make your lives easier. You’re welcome.


We judged each restaurant based upon the following categories:

  • Hours (Because sometimes you need chicken strips at 3 a.m.)
  • Delivery time (Ever passed out before your food arrived? Sucks.)
  • Cost (We’re broke, too.)
  • Taste (Obviously.)
  • Ranch (It’s a drunk food staple and it’s very important.)
  • Hotness of the delivery guy (or girl, as it turned out…)


Each of these factors were ranked on a scale of 0–10, the overall score for each restaurant was derived by averaging these scores. Let’s get started!




Restaurant 1: Peppino’s Sports Grille (not the same as Peppino’s Pizza shockingly)




Food: Pizza bites = pizza dough baked in little squares with some kind of magical spices.

Hours: Open until 2 a.m. every night of the week, which is great when you’re drunk on a Monday. 8/10

Delivery time: 15-ish minutes. 7.5/10

Cost: $8.88 for a shit ton. 7/10

Taste: “F*cking delicious.” / “The only thing worth staying in the ‘dale for.” 9/10




Ranch: “Ranch-to-pizza bite ratio is perfect.” 9/10




Delivery person: Really didn’t want his picture taken. JUST LET US PUT YOU ON THE INTERNET!  5/10


Overall score: Pretty dang good, but has room for improvement. 9.1/10




Restaurant 2: Jimmy John’s




Food: #4 Turkey Tom = turkey, lettuce, tomato, and mayo on white

Note: A loaf of day-old bread is tastier than your loaf of Meijer wheat, and dry enough to soak up the alcohol in your system. Nice.

Hours: Open until midnight Sunday–Wednesday, 2 a.m. Thursday–Saturday. So Thirstee Thursdayy is covered! 7/10

Delivery time: 10 minutes. Not sure that’s freakish, but… 9/10

Cost: $7 for the sandwich, $1 for the bread. 7.5/10

Taste: “Good.” / “I love day-old.” / “Mayo is on point.” 7/10




Ranch: Just mayo. At least mayo is a fundamental ingredient in ranch, right? RIGHT? 2/10




Delivery person: We hadn’t previously considered that the deliverer might be female. Yay for stereotyping! 6.5/10

Overall score: Jimmy John’s was sadly lacking in some of the main categories. 6.67/10




Restaurant 3: Papa John’s

Food: Garlic Parmesan Breadsticks with Garlic Butter Dipping Sauce

Hours: Sunday until midnight, Monday–Wednesday until 1 a.m., Thursday–Saturday until 2 a.m.; so basically the only place on campus open at night. 8/10

Delivery time: 1 hour 10 minutes….They’re literally across the street. 2 /10

Cost: $10.06 OR Debit Dollars (get that freshman you adopted to buy them for you). 6/10

Taste: “Grease bomb.” / “Soft and fluffy.” / “The sauce is good.” 4/10

Ranch: No Ranch, but garlic butter is delicious. 4/10




Delivery person: Papa John’s tried to bribe us for a good review by agreeing to be photographed, but we’re ethical journalists! 6/10

Overall score: Good, but why did it take over an hour? We’re drunk now! 5/10




Restaurant 4: Menna’s Joint




Food: CT Dub =  a huge wrap stuffed with two chicken tenders, cheddar, mozzarella, lettuce, tomato, and ranch.

Hours: Open until midnight Sunday–Wednesday, 2 a.m. Thursday–Saturday, soooo same as JJ’s.  7/10

Delivery time:  40 minutes. Once again, Menna’s is like a block away at 48 West! 3/10

Cost: $8.66. Not too bad. 7/10

Taste: “Fried food + cheese + ranch = golden formula for drunk food.” 9/10

Ranch: Pretty good, wish they had put more on the dub. 8/10

Delivery person: He wouldn’t let us take a picture; a shame, really, because he was moderately good-looking. What, like we’re gonna tell that you smoke on the job? 7/10

Overall score: Congrats, you’re average!  6.83/10


Hopefully you start taking the time to consider each of these listed items to see where to eat, Or you could just eat at Fresh.


*Note: Drunk photography is hard.

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