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MSU Freshman Submits ‘Dope Resume’ to Waka Flocka

Atlanta hip-hop artist Juaquin Malphurs, better known by his stage name Waka Flocka Flame, captured internet headlines this week with an unusual employment inquiry. Mr. Flame Instagramed a job opening with a picture stating “I’m paying 50k a year for a blunt roller…. Hashtag #icanroll.”

 

The Black Sheep was able to interview one freshman who claims to have submitted an application for the position. “Yeah I saw that jawn on Instagram and I was like ‘Aww no way bro, that’s a super legit opportunity.’ ”

 

With the hashtag and headline gaining traction as the week went on, marijuana enthusiasts all over the country have been sharpening their skills for this once in a lifetime position.

 

“I’d say I rolled my first blunt, you know, around the eighth grade,” the freshman continued, “one day I saw my older bro’s bro straight flexing his skills and I was like ‘Aww no way bro, that’s a super legit ability.’ ”

 

Just days after the job posting Mr. Flame stated on Twitter that “all resumes must be submitted on a rolling paper or blunts,” in an attempt to weed out the slacker applicants.

 

“Yeah, totally, at first I was like thinking it was a trick. Like, should my work be an actual blunt? Like is that what he means? But, naw, I glued together 73 rolling papers and wrote out my resume. My roommate totally helped, shouts to Chad, you’re hella nautical bro.” The freshman continued on with a vivid monologue about how marijuana is not a drug, quoting both Shakespeare and Seth Rogen.

 

With a declared $50,000 annual salary, Mr. Flame did not disclose whether the position would include a healthcare package. When asked what he would do with the money the freshman responded he would buy “hella hermit crabs.”

 

Though there is no set date when the winner will be hired, many applicants feel confident with their chances. The budding artist’s hopes could not be dampened when confronted with the high odds that he will not be chosen to be Waka Flocka Flame’s official blunt roller.

 

“I just really think I’m ‘that guy.’ My friends have always been telling me that I roll the fattest blunts they’ve ever seen and, you know, I like, can’t even thank them enough for their support. I feel truly hashtag blessed.”

 

To submit your own application to Mr. Flame, simply tweet with the hashtag “#icanroll.”

 

UPDATE: It may appear that none other than Seth Rogan has taken this job. But you never know, so keep rollin’, Spartans. 

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