Summer is in full bloom in Madison. Wisconsin students have been increasing their turnt activities tenfold with all their newfound free time. But that isn’t to say all the cool catz who got stuck living with their parentals for the summer aren’t doing the same though. Students living in their hometown are getting more turnt far more often than those in Madison, and even their parents are participating in the shenanigans.
Partying with adults, especially when those adults are one’s parents no less, seems a little cray-cray. But one student, medieval studies major, Jeoffrey Cummings, wants everyone to know that it’s a far cry from Amanda Bynes lighting driveways on fire. “Partying at home is just like partying in Madison, but better!” Jeoffrey explained. “Instead of partying in a friend of a friend’s sister’s cramped and overly expensive apartment in Lucky, I get to turn up in a spacious and homey environment with three bathrooms and a kitchen sink. One that isn’t filled with dirty dishes from two weeks ago. If the price I have to pay for these luxuries is drinking with my parents, I can handle that. They’re humans just like me… only older, wiser, and with less hormones.”
Parents are also really getting into the hometown college partying fad. Caitlyn Stork (proud mother of UW student, Ariah Stork) is simply ecstatic about how her summer is turning out with her daughter. “I’m just so happy that my girl’s job as a tour guide of murder sites around the University fell through,” Caitlyn rejoiced. “Now I get to hear my baby girl tell me how approximately 17 ghosts haunt the halls of Camp Randall, each with their own designated haunting area. All this while she chugs down half a bottle of tequila without even a lime to calm her screaming taste buds.”
Other parents say they appreciate the safety that comes with their kids drinking at home. “I’d rather have her do it here where I can protect her,” Sandra Durth (mother of UW student, Alyssa Durth) told us. “She’s better off here than in some sketchy, moist basement of some house on Langdon,” she continued. “We’ve also grown extremely close. I feel as though with every vomiting incident, whether it be on the carpet or on my blouse (that I got 30% off at Kohl’s), we get that much closer to a Lorelai and Rory relationship. And isn’t that what every mother wants?”
So maybe partying with one’s parents isn’t as taboo, weird, or just plain awkward as everyone thinks it is. Perhaps PSSSS (Post-Spring Semester Stress Syndrome) isn’t a horrible mental condition, but an opportunity for students to bond with their parents and improve their likelihood of receiving money when asked. Be on the lookout for a Buzzfeed article in the coming months that provide 27 reasons why every twenty-something should turn up with their parents for more information on this subject and a fun diversion from life.