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Pittfaced: A Guide to Pitt Homebrews

There has been a growing trend in the world of alcohol known as home-brewing. There are those that are such big fans of the bubbly fermented grain that they have decided to make their own. Homebrews are a unique variety of beers. Some are decent, most are terrible, but all of them take a huge amount of time and energy. This fact has not stopped some students at Pitt from concocting their own. The Black Sheep has taken the time to review a few, but trust us, you’re better off just grabbing a couple of PBRs from Mellinger’s. Rankings will range from 1 (worse than Natty Light) to 5 (whatever you steal from your dad’s fridge during break).

 

Litchfield Lager – 4
Reviewing this beer was a bit of a challenge given the nature of the beast. Not only is it illegal to have alcohol in Towers, but its inventor Stanley Waltz isn’t even old enough to drink. After opening a box that was in a bag that was in a suitcase, he gathered the samples for our tasting team. Full bodied and flavorful, we picked up a hint of pizza from this lager. Waltz explained that this is most likely due to leftover Antoon’s crusts being the source of his grain. “It’s cheap and I get to eat pizza while making beer,” explained Waltz, who was a man of few words. Overall not a bad beer given that the best thing this kid has ever had was Miller Lite.

 

Steel City Stout – 3
Brothers, roommates and foreign exchange students from Ireland Jon and Don O’Malley are the creators of this dark brew. “We got our inspiration while drinking Guinness. We love the taste of our native drink, but the price of it in this country is outrageous and everything else you sell is shit. Making our own Irish stout was the only way to fix this problem,” elaborated the O’Malley brothers, who creepily speak in unison. While a far cry from Guinness, their stout is tasty and with an alcohol content of 14% it only took a couple of bottles for us to start getting the spins.

 

Panther Ice – 0
Cold brewed in the filthy basement of a South O trap house, Panther Pilsner is the creation of Robert Filbin. “I took inspiration from such great beers as Keystone and Natural Ice, but what sets my pilsner apart is that I use water filtered from the slop I clean off the floor after a Friday night banger. I feel that doing this adds a little party to every bottle and I’m proud to report that no one has gotten sick from drinking my brew… so far.” After hearing this, we sent our samples over to Timmy the Intern for tasting. Timmy reported that Panther Ice is strong with a distinct earthy flavor and an aftertaste of regret. 

 

As stated earlier, the energy involved in creating a home brew is far more than the energy required to just grab a commercial six pack, but the brewers of Pitt should be commended for what they do. They are dedicated artisans who are nerdy enough to actual want to make their own. Some succeed in creating a delicious beverage, while others fail miserably (we’re really sorry Timmy). Now if you’ll excuse us, we need to score some more of that pizza beer.

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