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Recipe For Disaster: Popcorn

You decide that you want to be healthy. No more endless bags of Doritos and nacho cheese. It’s time to start working on that winter body (which is like a summer body, but actually has to be smaller to account for the piles of clothes that add immeasurable pounds). You head to the gym, which is finally empty because most plebs think that winter is a time to hibernate and store food like a bear or a skunk (yep, skunks hibernate, too). You’re the only one who knows better, and so you eat healthy too with this simple recipe.


What You’ll Need:

Throw out the microwave bag because you’ll never look at Orville Redenbacher’s face again.


Find un-popped popcorn kernels (available at stores usually, and sometimes corn fields). You can even get fancy colors, like blue or red.


Vegetable or canola oil (Pro-tip: anytime a recipe calls for vegetable oil, you can use canola oil).


Salt, if you’re in to that sort of thing.


Cook Time:

However long it would take to microwave 2-3 bags of popcorn.


Fatty Factor:

Barely any, seriously.


Let’s Get Baked:

– Heat up a big pot on the stove with a layer of oil at the bottom.

– Place one or two kernels in the oil while the pot heats up.

– POP! When those kernels pop, the oil is hot enough. Add enough popcorn kernels to coat the bottom of the pot.

– Put the lid on the pot and SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE, shake your pot back and forth over the burner.

– The popcorn pop pop pops and when it sounds like it’s done popping, then it’s too late. You have to stop before that point.

– Pour into a bowl and sprinkle with (a minimal amount of) salt.


Congratulations on losing those 10 stubborn pounds that were dragging you down like an ex-girlfriend. Eat popcorn every day and lose 10 more pounds instantly!

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