The types of people who eat breakfast for dinner are either 1.) rich people who have private chefs and vegetable gardens or 2.) poor people who eat cereal for every meal. Right now you’re in category number 2, but you want to appear as if you’re in category number 1, or at least 1 ½. The Black Sheep, the newspaper for the elite bourgeoisie, is here to help you become category number 1, through a series of steps that you can purchase in book format for only 3 easy payments of $29.99! Lucky for you, the first step is free and it’s right here…
What You’ll Need:
Eggs, bacon, breakfast sausage (if it’s not specifically breakfast sausage, you’re poor and stupid (we know, synonyms), potatoes, English muffins, fruit, and/or etc.
Calories are for poor people.
Wait, you don’t have a personal chef?
Let’s Get Baked:
– Crack the eggs into a bowl and whisk in some milk. Oh, we didn’t tell you that milk was one of the ingredients? Not having milk in the fridge 24/7 is a poor people thing, peasant. Oh yeah, then cook the eggs. We don’t know what else to tell you for this one. If you don’t know how to cook eggs, go back to poor people school.
– Cook the bacon. You should know how to do this already, too. Geez…
– Cook the sausage.
– Dice the potatoes (Dice: it means cut into small pieces, bigger than mincing but smaller than chopping. Idiot…). Season the potatoes with your backyard herbs. Bake in a 350-degree oven for 25 minutes.
– Toast the English muffins
– Wash the fruit (this step is absolutely necessary, you barbarian)
Now literally throw away all of the food because rich people can afford to be wasteful. If you’re ever to become rich, you have to step into the mentality before you can start earning, which is another key point in The Black Sheep rich-people book that is available to you for purchase.