It is impossible to deny that this was a record weekend for Pitt. The weather was beautiful, the first round of exams was over, and most importantly Pitt beat Syracuse. A sold out crowd, an organized blackout, and psychotic fans…
…all helped the Panthers crush the Orange…
…and avenge the buzzer beater loss we suffered last year (fuck you Tyler Ennis). But we all know that the real action happened after the game when the blackout at the Pete carried over into Oakland. As always, The Black Sheep hit the streets on Sunday to get the details.
Ally Markowitz, a freshman, was at the game and shared her evening with us. “OMG, the game was hella fun and Pitt scored like a ton of touchdowns. I don’t know what the pitcher’s name is, but he totally had a great game. He had so many hole in ones! Anyway, after the game me and my sorority sisters pregamed and then trekked over to South Oakland to some house party. I got challenged to drink as many shots as Pitt made during the game, which whatever that seemed like a fine idea, and the last thing I remember was throwing up all over the back seat of the 10A. It was worth it though because I woke up in pair of shoes that weren’t mine, but they were perf, so I’m keeping them.”
“I didn’t even get into the game,” exclaimed a male student who preferred to stay unnamed. “I was trying to drink a little OJ and vodka while waiting outside before tipoff, but the damn pigs threw some cuffs on me and tossed me in the back of their squad car. I tried to explain to them that, firstly, this was the game of a lifetime, and nextly that they were killing my damn buzz, but they didn’t want to hear me. I had to wait like a whole fucking hour at the station before my dad wired the money to bail me out. Why do bad things happen to good people? Fuck it. As soon as I got out I got shit faced and banged like three sloots last night.”
“We drank everything from A to Zima at my house,” reported Samuel Weaver, a senior statistics major. “This morning I calculated that the mean BAC was 0.12 with a standard deviation of 0.010%. These are numbers that haven’t been reached since the Pitt-Notre Dame game in 2013. I myself consumed roughly a liter of Smirnoff and I was hitting the beer bong at the rate of 3.25/hour. I should note that my calculations may be a little skewed due to my intoxicated state. Honestly, I still might be a little buzzed.”
While we may never know the exact number of beers that were bonged on Saturday night, we are certain that it was one for the books. From the puke stained sidewalks of South Oakland to the popped collars of frat row, every house was bumping “Sweet Caroline” and chanting “fuck the orange.” It’s moments like these that show the world what being a college student is all about: drinking to the point of nausea and caring way too much about sports. Good luck to anyone still nursing a hangover.
Top photo courtesy: @CamlynG