If you frequent the Blo-No bars and think “Am I running into the same people over and over again?” Well, chum, you’re not crazy, you’re spot on. There’s really only, like, five different people who you’ll see at the bars, and we’ve listed them out for you in this handy guide.
The Frat Daddies:
On any given night, you can venture down to the Pub II or Brewe-Has to find a representative from each and every frat house on campus. These guys can be spotted drinking in their letters, sporting a pair of Sperrys that daddy bought them, hitting on waitresses, and just bro-ing out hardcore. Their daily dates at the bar show they have deep pockets and could care less about their grades. When you have an unlimited bank account and a bro to watch the Hawks games with, why not keep the pitchers coming?
Maggie Miley’s can often be a frightening place, especially before dark. Residents of the Bloomington-Normal area who are not associated with ISU often dwell in the dark corner booths. Beware of the guy who looks just a little too old to be in a college town bar. We can’t tell if he’s a townie or a just a creep, but either way you should avoid him like the plague.
The Selfie-Obsessed Sister:
Though all sorority girls know not to be seen out in their letters or flashing their gang symbols, it’s still easy to identify a Greek girl. Look for the girl taking dozens of selfies and pictures with each and every girl in her clique. Listen for keywords, such as “big,” “OMG,” and “totes!” To get these girls out of the bar, start a rumor that that it’s the newest “geed” bar and these girls will be gone faster than the guys they hook up with the morning after.
The Van Wilder:
We all know that one kid who was a senior when we were freshman… and again when we were sophomores, and so on. This guy is a frequenter of all the bars in Uptown—when he isn’t throwing a rager at his place, that is. This is why his BAC is typically higher than his GPA. This guy knows all the bartenders and all the party tricks. He’s easily the most fun guy at the party, but has trouble keeping up with fashion trends and slang because, you know… old. He may be fun for a night, but don’t get sucked in to the lifestyle. You do not want to go to college for the next eight years… or do you?
The 21st Birthday Gal:
There are 365 days in a year and on each and every one of them, a girl turns 21. What is a 21st birthday without a sash, shots, and a mediocre guy to go home with? The birthday girl has a shimmering tiara or flashy button, as well as a distracting amount of cleavage and a group of girls dancing around her on tables each (double-fisting tequila shots). The other giveaway is the amount of “WOOOOOOs” coming from a group of pitchy girls and the ugly suitors surrounding them (knowing that the birthday girl is drunk enough to think they are cute enough to go home with).
So on your next adventure to the Blo-No bars, keep a look out for these five wonderful stereotypes. You’re going to want to avoid most of them; unless you like waking up next to weird, hungover people in the morning. In that case, good luck!