Connect with us
Connect with us

Booze

The 5 Stages of Syllabus Week

School is back in session and the most monumental part of the school year, SYLLABUS WEEK, has arrived. The sun is shining, moving trucks are everywhere, and Frat Water’s getting unloaded by the crate. Each year this monumental week takes Miami students through five stages of getting back into the school year groove. Here are those stages:

 

1.) The Prep:
Watching kids scream around the pool and answering phones for 12 weeks has finally come to a close! Your bank account is in the positives, fresh darty outfits are packed and the slush fund is ready to be tapped out. You’re ready to go. You’ll hand that Visa over to the bartender with confidence. Bottle service at Three Trees? Why yes, don’t mind if I do.

 

2.) The Reunion:
Girls are screaming everywhere. Tears are streaming down across campus and everyone is talking in their own, high-pitched language. The Nara celebrations start and the ‘gram feeds are a corny blur of fake tanner and mirrored Ray Bans. Dudes just shrug at each other while commencing to down the aforementioned Frat Water. “Reunited and it feels so good,” quietly plays in the back of everyone’s mind.

 

3.) The Peak:
You’re reminded why you love this place so much. Brick is popping, Wood’s hot dogs are nice and fresh and a trashcan has never tasted better. You’re on top of the world, back with your favorite people in your favorite place. The drunken texts that start to pour in, “Wheee u?” You’re loving life the only thing to make it even better is the Jimmy John’s you’re going to inhale like a sleepy koala at the end of the night.

 

4.) The Rehab:
A waft of stale tequila tickles your nose and you want to vomit. You never want to see a bar floor ever again or even think of putting alcohol to your lips. Why did you do this to yourself? You forgot the Miami hangover isn’t you’re typical hangover. This is a special monster. Your bedroom is full of empty Smart Water bottles and Will’s pizza boxes. Will you ever feel like your normal self or is this headache forever?

 

5.) The Reality:
The week flew by so fast and drunk you forgot the whole reason why you came to this magical place: school. You have to learn now, and that money you had saved for textbooks, that money you promised you wouldn’t spend on Fireball shots but then totally did, would have come in pretty handy right about now. Suddenly, you’re in the same position you were in May last semester. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!

 

Whatever stage you’ve found yourself in while reading this (we hope it’s that glorious pre-Jimmy John’s golden stupor), welcome back and let’s make this semester a god dammed good one!

Continue Reading

More from Booze

Advertisement
Advertisement
To Top