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The Black Sheep Corner Crawl

Once you enter your second year you realize, often while sandwiched between a hoard of sweaty first years and the sole, long since tapped keg, there must be a better way to socially enjoy alcohol. Luckily the Corner offers a ready solution: Bars. The sheer number of choices you’re presented with when you’re first able to check out bars can be daunting, but that’s why we’re here. Here’s the abridged guide to getting drunk like an adult Wahoo.

 

The Outside Bars:

Coupes is the undisputed favorite here, though sometimes that’s not a good thing in our opinion. If it’s warm out, good luck getting in and having enough elbow room to enjoy your beverage. Live music softens the blow of being crushed by the masses of townies from time to time, but the Bud Light tall boys are a fantastic way to get drunk.

 

Biltmore by far has the best set up for enjoying yourself, but also somehow the worst use of space. Being easily twice the space of Coupes, you don’t have to worry about somebody knocking your drink from your hand every few seconds as they push by in search of the other kids from their high school. In fact, you don’t have to worry about running into anyone. Which is a problem. There’s almost too much space, and you’re going to feel it when your group of friends are drinking by themselves, quietly eyeing the other islands of people far off into the distance. But hey, there’s cornhole set up for you to suck at, so go suck at cornhole.

 

Crozet is the young upstart here, and we think it’s going to go far. It’s got the best specialty drinks of any of the bars, and an appropriate level of space. It always feels like it’s got just the right level of patrons, and it’s a solid choice if you’re looking to go somewhere outside. Even better, it’s got some phenomenal pizza that’ll definitely prime your stomach for the Peach Jars to follow.

 

TL;DR: Go to Coupes if you want to get drunk quickly and don’t care about personal space. Go to Biltmore if you’re afraid of personal contact, or you’re really into cornhole. Go to Crozet if you’re looking to enjoy a quality drink, and you’re trying to set a new trend.

 

The Clique Bars

Trinity is your place you’re trying to show off your hot dance moves. The dance floor serves as an impromptu hot yoga session for masses of sorority girls and their flow-rocking suitors. If you’re not careful the strobe light will take you, and before you know it you’ll be using pores you never knew you had to get rid of all the cheap doubles you’ve been downing.

 

The Virginian far and away has the best food of the bars on the Corner. It’s also home to one of the worst floor plans ever. Also also, you’re going to be getting the evil eye from the other patrons if you’re not wearing the required blazer and bow tie. Still, it’s a crowd favorite and you’d be hard pressed to find a better place to start your night.

 

Boylan Heights is a solid choice here. Sure you’re going to be bumping elbows with loads of athletes and entire fraternities, but with two bars and plenty of space, you’ll always be able to get a drink. The food is solid as well, and it’s a great place to watch a game since the average patron probably knows someone playing. 

 

St. Martens has the most extensive drink menu but the most creative drink varieties. You’ll be rubbing elbows with the drama and band community, who stop by regularly on Thursday nights for reasons unknown. You go there to experiment with strange drink choices and an order of cheesy fries, and then head merrily on your way to chug Bud Lights with the rest of the plebs. 

 

TL;DR: Go to Trinity if you’re looking to dance or you missed your workout. Go to Virg if you wear a bow tie to class or you’re really hungry. Go to Boylan if you play a sport, or wish you played a sport. Go to St. Martens if you’ve never played a sport, and have no wish to do so.

 

The Quiet Bars

Michael’s Bistro is a well hidden gem on the corner. Everyone misses it on their way to one of the bigger bars, and that’s a good thing. If you need to take a breather and have a good beer at the end of the night, this is the place to go. You’re not going to run into a bunch of rowdy frat stars, but that’s kinda the point.

 

Poe’s Public House is the unknown quantity this year. With No. 3 under new management it remains to be seen whether the name change and some updated décor is going to bring in enough students to drive out the traditional townie bar on the Corner. It seems like they’re trying to strike a balance between Trinity and Boylan, which could bring massive crowds, or be a huge flop. This semester, this is the bar to watch. 

 

TL;DR: Go To Michael’s Bistro if you’re trying to hear yourself think, and avoid the crowds. Go to Poe’s if you’re willing to brave the townies, or you’re up for an adventure.

Photo courtesy https://www.flickr.com/groups/university_of_virginia/.

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