Boulder is full of drunk people. College kids drink secretly on the hill, older college kids drink expensively on pearl street, and grandparents drink secretly while watching their grandkids. Naturally, everybody is going to get the drunchies, and need something fried, filling, and cheesy. The Black Sheep has put together a list of the 10 best places to get something fried, filling, and cheesy to eat during a night on the town, so you don’t have to worry about it any more.
So you really want explosive diarrhea? Well this is the place to do it. Pay an alarmingly cheap amount of money for a plate full of food, and think about how much it feels like you are in a South Park episode. Hopefully you are drunk enough not to taste it. At least you only paid like 4 dollars.
9.) The Pub:
After kissing the buffalo, you will need to get the awkward taste of taxidermied buffalo, and old lipstick out of your mouth. Head to the back for some delicious, greasy pub food, and get your mouth ready for more whiskey shots.
8.) The Dark Horse:
This is a spunky dive bar that tries to get its patrons to use the wrong bathrooms (they have misleading signs). They also serve rocky mountain oysters, better known as fried cow testicles, in case you need to suddenly raise your testosterone levels.
7.) Old Chicago:
So you finally realized you aren’t going to get laid on Pearl Street? This is absolutely the best (and cheapest) place to stuff your face with drunchies. Cheap beer, cheep food, plenty of sports on the TVs (if that’s your thing) and history (this is the first Old Chicago’s location ever!).
6.) Smelly Deli:
The only place open 24 hours, so when you are coming down from that acid trip at 4 in the morning, you can sober up with a sub. They also sell blunt wraps, so insomniacs can smoke, and fall asleep.
5.) DP Dough:
Too drunk to leave your house? DP Dough delivers super late, so your drunk ass doesn’t get an MIP. Unfortunately, that means you will probably wake up with a half eaten mess of different delicious cheeses, and sauces in bed with you.
Follow the delicious smells of cheese, sauce, and grease. Stand in the massive line out the door. Claim the prize of some spicy ranch (for 50 cents). There will also probably be some freshmen girls who will relentlessly hit on you for a slice of free pizza. At least somebody loves you.
Brave the mob of angsty drunk people, and get your hands on a Brandon. Yes, the name is confusing, but the sandwich is a drunchie meal to trek across town for. Since this is also a convenience store, you can also pick up paper towels and trash bags as a drunken errand. Who said drinking wasn’t productive?
2.) Illegal Pete’s:
Unfortunately, this place is not an elaborate front for drugs, as the name might suggest. But they do have the dankest fish tacos this side of San Diego. They also give a great beer and a shot deal, if those rice and beans start sobering you up.
1.) South Mouth:
So you want some south in your mouth? Well this isn’t a great place to pick up a date, but they do have some delicious spicy wings. They also make Memphis Fries, which are basically the dankest chili fries that have ever been made into a gut bustingly delicious drunchie meal to murder for.
The drunchies might have you feeling like a character in the Lord of the Rings, stumbling into objects around town, trying to destroy those feelings of hunger like the fate of the world is hinging on it. You now have a guide to the world of late night eats in Boulder. Use it wisely.
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