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Top 10: Things That Go Wrong on a Night Out in Oxford

Some nights that have so much potential turn into a major bust, all because one small thing avalanched into a waste of a Thursday night, reminding you should’ve just stayed in and studied for your Psychology 111 final like you had planned. Here’s the top 10 that can turn a night of bar hopping upside down.


10.) Getting Sick: The Franzia race starts out strong at the frat house, then before you know it you’re running back and forth between the bathroom and the bag until you can’t rally any longer. Being unable to rally properly sets you back for the rest of your epic weekend, as waking with the trashcan in your bed isn’t the best way to kick off a Friday.


9.) Crying Episode/ Fight with Boyfriend: The night starts out great; you two are like Allie and Noah from The Notebook. But then he just has to say hi to his ex that comes prancing into the bar. The mascara starts smearing and the bouncer kicks you out because he deserved that trashcan thrown in his face. Thank god for the new friends you made in the Brick bathroom line who tell you he isn’t worth it.


8.) Maxing Out Credit Card: You start the night ready to go with just amount of funds in your slush fund to handle your high tolerance for Fireball shots at Pachinko’s. Suddenly the concept of money goes out the window, and you keep handing that magical card to whoever provides you with alcohol goodness. After the sixth trip to the bar (but who’s counting), the bartender shakes his head — nope; the slush found has dried up. The worse part: no drunk feast to the end of the night, just alone in bed with no Jimmy or Bruno balls.


7.) Losing the group: You’re dancing on the benches of CJs and sipping that vodka sour, when all of a sudden you realize you’re the only one dancing… where’d the other 17 of you go? Well send the ol’ group text with “Wehressf u” and get the response, “NeCjSBrick.” That helped. The night will be spent wondering in circles, thinking you’re going to New but getting confused and ending up at CJs again.


6.) Hooking up with wrong person: At first you thought he was the one… but he’s no Christian Grey (despite thinking he is) and his favorite band is (gag) Dave Matthews. Time for the ol’ fake the phone call from your roommate. You have to leave now because “she needs help home” (but really because he smells like dirty socks and keeps bringing up his high school lacrosse glory days). 


5.) Loss of possessions Cell Phone, Miami ID, Credit Card: All possessions are gone and there is no way to get help. The only solution is to walk around aimlessly trying to drunkenly explain how you lost your entire life at the array of bars you’ve hopped to, which is of course fruitless. Congrats, you’re officially off the grid.


4.) Passing Out in an Academic Building: The night was great, but it’s time for the walk home and you know the bathrooms in Benton are the best pit stop for a pee after having 4322 tequila shots. But when you exit the bathrooms, those comfy chairs just look so nice and comfortable… suddenly you’re waking up to stares as students walk to their 8:30.


3.) Getting Denied at Bars: This bouncer is just a tough one to crack, completely disregarding the fact that he just watched your friend pass back to you to get into side. Ugh the two forms rule is just cruel, how rude of him to deny you. You were so sneaky and sly, but now you’ve got to walk home, utterly defeated.


2.) Going to the Hospital: Those stairs at CJ’s are the drunk Mount Everest of Oxford. Thus, a concussion is understandable, but it’s a real damper on the night when instead of chatting up ladies at CJs, you’re chatting up nurses on the third floor of McCullough-Hyde.


1.) Getting Arrested: Even though you know cops love raiding 45s you just couldn’t resist the $5 pitchers. So you spend the rest of your evening in cuffs explaining to the police officer that you are 24 and from 1234 Ridgewood Lane, SomeTown, South Carolina, and your name is definitely Ashley Brownhair.

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