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UConn Bartender Of The Month: Erin Murphy of Thirsty Dog and Ted’s

Name: Erin Murphy
Bar: Thirsty Dog, Ted’s
Hometown: Watertown, Connecticut
Major: Human Development and Family Studies
Favorite Shot: Oatmeal Cookie
Favorite TV Show: Sons of Anarchy
Random Fact: She thinks pigs are the shittiest farm animal.


If you’re of the legal drinking age, have a fairly solid fake ID or are otherwise cool with slipping a UConn bouncer the occasional OTPHJ, chances are you already know Erin.


If your 21st birthday falls on a Tuesday and you naturally decide to hit Ted’s in pursuit of the legendary Birthday Beaver Shirt, you already know who’ll be behind the bar mixing up a nice big pitcher of Ted’s famous hangover-juice: Erin. When it’s Thursday and you’re yearning for a change of pace from the meat-market grindfest that Huskies so routinely provides, guess who’s just across the street at Thirsty Dog’s, filling up two 50 cent pitchers of beer as Anaconda plays for the 16th time that night: it’s Erin. Due to her dual-employment at 2 of the 3 on-campus UConn bars, many a campus bar goer can attest to the fact that Erin seems to possess a sort of supernatural omnipresence amongst the Storrs bar scene.


One student, communications major Brandon Linder, asserts to this day that he had once had Erin serve him a rum and Coke at Ted’s, was then subsequently removed from the establishment for spitting said R&C into the air like a fountain, and soon after walked to Thirsty Dog’s only to be served another rum and Coke by Erin. While this account may certainly not have come from the most reliable source (the miniscule workload of communications students enables them to be plastered at all times), not very many would be able to confidently refute Linder’s story, as being behind two different bars at once is something that Erin literally does sometimes.


Now if you wouldn’t call that The Black Sheep Bartender of the Month material, then, well, we guess it doesn’t really matter what you think, because she’s Bartender of the Month anyway, and you can go suck an egg, idiot.


The Black Sheep:How long have you been working at Ted’s and Thirsty Dog?
Erin: I’ve been at Thirsty’s for about a year, and Ted’s since like, the beginning of the semester.


What’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen go down at Ted’s/Thirsty Dog?
Oh, we see some weird things go down, nightly. Recently though, I saw a girl, standing up in a dress, just peeing all over the floor. We had to kick her out.


Do you ever get recognized as “the bartender” around campus, kind of like “the waitress” from Always Sunny In Philadelphia?
Yeah, literally all the time, even in my 8 a.m. classes there’ll be someone who recognizes me from the night before and they’ll be like “you’re the bartender!” Or I’ll be out somewhere and people will call me “Teds” or “Thirsty’s” which is obnoxious.


What was your biggest night as a bartender?
The night of the National Championship, it was INSANE.


Do you ever get drunk on the job, and is this question something you probably totally shouldn’t answer?


Have you ever seen someone puke ON the bar?
Well, the other night I saw a girl puke into a pitcher. Then she tried to give it back to me, I was like, absolutely not girlfriend, you can keep that one. I’ve also seen guys casually puke into a cup and try to play it off.


What’s the weirdest drink you’ve ever been asked to make?
I don’t see too many weird drinks, but we used to have a sign advertising Buttery Nipples shots and a girl actually came up to me and asked, “is that when you put butter on your nipples and lick it off?”


…Is that when you put butter on your nipples and lick it off?
No no no no!


If someone asked you to put butter on their nipples, would you?
I mean, maybe.


Do you think in the bartending world, three tits would equal more tips?
Definitely, people would tell all of their friends and everyone would be like “yo there’s a bartender at UConn with 3 tits” and everyone would want to see that, so I’d say so.


Would you rather fight the world’s strongest 8 year old or the 1st and 2nd world’s strongest 5 year olds?
I think I would have a better chance with one 8 year old.


Would you rather have permanent Cheetos fingers, or-
-that. I don’t know what the other one is going to be, but I want that. Do I get to lick the cheese off my fingers and it’ll like, grow back?


Uhh, yeah.
Ok then, yeah, that.


What do you think would win in a fight, one horse or two German Shepherds?
I’d say 1 horse, because horses, they’re big. But they do get scared easily…


Well, I was thinking it’s like a horse that’s trained for war. Like that movie War Horse.
Oh so he wouldn’t get scared of the dogs? Ok, yeah, definitely the horse.


Weirdest pickup line you’ve ever gotten?
Well, one kid had a broken arm one night and he asked me if I wanted to sign his cast. I said sure and he was like, “ok cool, there’s a sharpie back in my room”.


What do you think ice cream cones are made of?
Italian wafers, basically, right?


If you could make out with any anima-


Least favorite word?
I hate the word “moist”.


Would you rather be really drunk at the zoo, or really drunk at the aquarium?
I’d figure the aquarium, just because it’s probably safer.


If you were a kangaroo, what would you keep in your pouch?
Probably candy.


I don’t think that kangaroos can even reach inside their pockets.
Well, it’s the thought that counts.


If you could have one person be your taxi driver for life, whenever you needed them, who would it be?
Dan Philbrick.


What’s your biggest bartending pet peeve?
When people SLAM THEIR PITCHERS ON THE BAR [in the direction of the kid just did this]. Also, when people hold their money out and wave it around in my face. Most people don’t know that I have a pattern of what area I cover, and I go in that order, you waving your money at me isn’t going to make me come to you any faster!


What were you for Halloween?
I had 3: I was a ninja turtle, the Cat in the Hat, and a Sons of Anarchy biker.

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