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What Your Pitt Club Says About You

Clubs. Sometimes they’re just for fun and sometimes they consume your very being. As Batman’s dead girlfriend once said, “It’s not what you are underneath, it’s what you drink, say, and do that defines you,” or something along those lines, we don’t really remember. Here at The Black Sheep we believe in this, so here is what different clubs at Pitt say about you.

 

Greek: Sperry’s, Lilly Pulitzer, Chubbies, Vera Bradley, these brands pump the blood through your veins. You’re the person who would go to the Pete instead of class, but when work conflicts with a pregame or a party, you lose your mind. If you’re running on campus, it’s definitely not for class. You’re either trying to get to the liquor store before it closes or you’re trying to get a morning sweat in before classes start. For you, school is chill, but philanthropy, shaky morals, and an extensive understanding of all states of inebriation are what you prefer to study. Keep on doing you, Bros and Sistas.

 

WPTS (The Radio Station): You’re probably a little snobby with your music choices. Top 40 doesn’t concern you. You spend your day on the fourth floor of the Union talking music and using the words “rugged,” “penetrating,” and “flattering” to describe a new record. Apparently those words make sense to you. You’re not going to wear anything with a swoosh or an X symbol on them and you’re sure as hell not going to buy groceries anywhere but Trader Joe’s. Sure, it’s in East Liberty, but you’ll take your chances when organic food is involved. Your life revolves around the basements and bars where bands play and you dabble in sports and news as well.

 

Pathfinders: Like the Cult of Penn State, you are in love with this school, and you rep that blue and gold rugby shirt even in the dead of summer. You’ll party the night way, but be up at the crack of dawn to talk about the amazing engineering program and how beautiful Nordenberg Hall is to prospective students and their parents. Even though your shirt is covered in Vlad stains from the night before and your headset is only there to remedy your splitting headache, you can name off random facts about Pitt like it’s your job. Because it is your job.

 

Club Sports: You always seem to forget that you play club sports. Your inferiority complex is rather large, and your sincerity about your team, schedule, and record is too much. You’re just playing intermural sports without the annoyance of being completely unathletic. Keep on playing, just chill a bit. It’s Club, not D1.

 

Outdoors Club: You ride a bike, scooter, or roller blades to class each day because putting your feet on the ground is only for hiking. You don’t skip class to get extra sleep or to have an extra hour to study for an exam; you skip so you can climb trees for a few extra hours. You frequent Schenley Plaza for picnics, and Emerson is totally your inspiration. To you, the weekend means a kayaking trip, not getting drunk in a strange and sweaty basement. Yeah, you’ll take fresh water rafting over a Natty ice luge any day.

 

Ultimate Frisbee: You know those weird kids playing hacky-sack outside of your high school every day? They traded in the hacky-sack for a Frisbee, and damn are they good. You are just as athletic as the track team, but you’re ten times better to party with. Classes are just the intermission of the day. You can’t wait for the moment you are back on the Pete or Cathedral Lawn laying out for a flying disc. You love your life, and we love you.

 

Humans VS. Zombies: You’re definitely having the most fun. Watching Romero movies and The Walking Dead has trained you for this moment. You’ve sacrificed a normal social life and dignity to run all over the school chasing down an army of orange bandanas and you’ve become a sure-shot with your semi-auto NERF gun. Regardless of what other clubs think of you, you’re honestly the coolest one on campus. Keep on fighting, everyone.

 

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