After returning from his study abroad trip to Switzerland, BC junior Jack Skilton encountered a serious problem. It seems as though Skilton, among many other students who have recently studied abroad, don’t have a proper outlet to engage in meaningful conversation about their time spent outside the U.S.
“I’m bursting at the seams with amazing stories about myself, flavored with all the exotic culture and history of Europe,” he exclaimed, slamming his fist against the table so hard his Starbucks mochaccino nearly spilled onto his Big Mac. “My travels throughout the Old Country were as life-altering as they were poignant. Now I’m surrounded by Americans who want to do nothing but sleep, natter, and scoff donuts. I’m so glad I’ve exposed myself to more advanced cultures.”
Observation confirmed that when Skilton recounted tales of his enlightenment amongst the tourist traps of the Old Country, his American listeners fell asleep almost immediately.
“Nobody seemed willing to hear about how much I learned about myself over there. It’s like ‘oh, I like you as an American… but when you discover a new international identity and come back to explain how America is garbage at everything, that’s when we stop talking.’ How utterly ignorant is that?
But these hardships awakened Skilton to the needs of a growing minority of BC students wailing for recognition and attention. Thanks to his efforts, ex-study abroad students now have a space to let their faux-accents flow freely. BC’s Remembering Unconventional Border-free Experiences Society. This brand-new Culture Club promises to be a haven for swapping illicit Amsterdam stories, comparing chic products from the Champs-Élysée, and comfortably ignoring the existence of any country outside Europe or South America.
Howard Noggs, A&S ’17, explains his newfound passion for RUBES. “You can’t walk three feet around here without bumping into a culture club hogging Robsham for a traditional dance recital, or complaining about my Taco Bandito Halloween costume. It was a joke, guys, get over it!!!”
RUBE plans to host multiple celebrations this year, most of which will involve sampling exotic cuisine like Domino’s and French frites. The club also promises to honor European tradition by lowering the drinking age to 18 at all its events.
Noggs stands firm against critics of RUBE. “My time in Barcelona was the greatest of my life. Anybody can debate about the Spanish economy, or soak in the haunting majesty of the Sagrada Familia. But who’s going to defend the sanctity of the margarita? The sangria? Who’s going to stand up and tell them that they all keep calling it ‘fútbol’ instead of soccer?!? The tough stuff is on us.”
At press time, Noggs was explaining to his professor that his observance of the traditional Spanish siesta would leave no time for the class midterm.
Since when do you need an excuse to skip class?
Posted by The Black Sheep on Monday, October 17, 2016