We know and you know that you’ve never actually been to a BC basketball game because, well, they’ve sucked. For years, they were the little brother of BC sports, falling behind BC football, BC hockey, the Pats, the Celtics, the Bruins, and the Red Sox. But now, they’re rearing their head and actually have a shot at March Madness. It’s going to take a lot to pretend you were a fan all along, but don’t worry: we’ve got you covered.
5.) Wear the right BC swag:
Unlike football and hockey, the BC bookstore does not actually offer an Eagles basketball jersey (odd, considering all the other ways they try to get us to spend our coveted Eagle Bucks). That being said, the proper getup for watching dudes shooting hoops is just the good, old-fashioned superfan shirt you received three years ago that makes you look like a bottle of mustard. Top it off with an obnoxious bucket hat, and you’re ready to watch some basketball!
4.) Know how a basketball game works:
Um, they score goals, right? Or was it touchdowns? And what do you mean, there are special lines on the court? Aren’t those just for decoration?! Yeah, you should brush up on the game before attending one. Three pointers are three points (duh.), you can only dribble the ball so many times, and there is this rule called “carrying” that prohibits the players from just picking up the ball and running. It’s weird, it sometimes makes no sense, and often, nobody listens to the rules, anyway. Good luck keeping up.
3.) Indulge in the best snacks Conte has to offer:
We mean alcohol. You probably didn’t realize that Conte now sells shitty beer and wine along with its shitty hot dogs and pizza, but they do! If you’re going to make it through both halves, you’ll need to stock up on food and booze before things start getting hot. So make a stop before the band comes through, and you won’t have a rumbling stomach halfway through the game. We recommend pairing a Bud Light with a rock hard pretzel and the hot dog combo: that should last you and a friend, eh, about 30 minutes. Not even.
2.) Grab some props to wave/throw/lose:
The cool thing about basketball and hockey is that they’re both held indoors, so you can take that Canada Goose off and get all sorts of crazy. While noise makers are generally not allowed, signs, posters, flags and pom poms are cool if you smuggle them in. Sometimes, Eagles Ops will even give you shirts and towels to wave on the way in! Double points if one is distracting enough to make the opposing team miss a free throw (that’s when a player… you know what, never mind).
1.) Get absolutely trashed:
This rule applies to basically anything in college, but especially basketball games. With the speed at which the athletes play, and how hot Conte can get when it’s packed with people, the crowd can get pretty energized. If you want to keep up with the crazy, take a few shots before swiping in, and pick up a cup of wine before the game starts to keep that sweet, sweet buzz alive. Basically anything’s more fun while drunk, and cheering on sports teams is no exception. So pour one out for the Eagles, and pray we make the tournament!
Follow these steps, and no one will ever know you can’t tell the difference between a dunk and a dribble. Whatever those are.
Oh hey, listen and subscribe to Talk of Shame: