The fact that you’ve found yourself in O’Neill Library means one of two things: you have an exam tomorrow or you’re the kind of sick fuck who enjoys watching the misery of others. Why you chose this simple, understated concrete building that harkens one back to simpler times of communism and Soviet marching anthems is beyond me, but at any rate since you’re there you may as well know where to go.
The First Floor:
The first thing you need to know about the first floor is that it’s actually the basement. The third floor is the actual first/main floor, the second floor is above the first floor but below the main floor, and the 4th and 5th floors are also the 2nd and 3rd floors, depending on perspective you’re looking at this M.C. Escher hellscape. Now, none of you will have actually been to this mysterious first floor, but rest assured it does in fact exist. The only notable feature of this floor is the Collaboration Room. This is a real think-tank, meeting-of-the-minds type location which is reminiscent of the salons of enlightened France. Due to the lack of foot traffic, this is a great place to do a group project in peace or hide from the feds, depending on how your weekend went.
The Second Floor:
This is the floor that contains BC’s main tutoring resources, Connor’s Family Learning Center. Here you’ll find the kids who are simply trying to understand Calc and the kid who got an A in Calc and figured he might as well make some money of it. This is a great spot to come transfer the guilt of your lack of preparedness for that Spanish exam onto some poor bastard not being paid nearly enough to entertain your brand of bullshit.
The Third Floor:
This is the floor most of you will enter on, and undoubtedly be the one you’re most familiar with. On this floor you’ll be greeted by the hard working employees of the reference desk. The reference desk is a great way to turn that 17-page research paper you’ve been putting off for weeks into someone else’s problem. This floor also houses seemingly 95% of the printers on campus. Be prepared for a huge line to print your paper ten minutes before class. You could either roll the dice on it not being too crowded or show up 15 minutes before class and print with ease, but you’re probably more likely to be caught rolling the dice, you beautiful disaster you.
The Fourth Floor:
This is the first of the two primary study floors. It’s here you really get to see the stress of Boston College come to a head. You can stalk through the desks and tables to see sleep-deprived, dead-eyed students, who in many ways are decor themselves. These sophomores with an Organic chemistry midterm at 9 a.m. tomorrow are a physical manifestation of the architecture itself; cold, tired, and cranky, and yet they remain to plug away. You can also see the boy who “totally didn’t study” and the girl who “didn’t know we had a test today” on these floors grinding just like yourself.
The Fifth Floor:
This is it, the end all be all for the hardcore student. The strict “no noise” policies of this floor evokes the austere intimacy of a Bavarian abbey in the 14th century. The special “no food” section isn’t for the weak spirited. Here you can come to people watch students with empty stomachs, empty eyes, and empty hearts. Rumor has it that there’s always a few students each year who will collapse from the combination of malnutrition and sleep deprivation. This is a great place to get an unfathomable amount of work done, but lord help the kid who sneezes.
At the end of the day, just go to Bapst. You’ll get WAAAAAYYYY better Snapchat opportunities, and are you really studying if you don’t snapchat it?
Need something to do in the library? Listen to our podcast, featuring Karl from Online!