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A Perfectly Fair And Perfectly Sober Review of Plexapalooza 2018

If you’re one of the hundreds who didn’t get a ticket to Plexapalooza this year, I’m here to tell you, un-biasedly, you didn’t miss much…

But for those of you lonely sophomores sitting in Vandy, wondering what exactly happened, here’s everything that went down.

6:00 p.m.:

The thing about Plexapalooza is that you will spend more time preparing for it than actually attending it. In my case, the night started out with a massive bout of laundry since I realized I had absolutely nothing to wear and had totally run out of underwear. Lit! 

Once that was done and I actually had clothes to put on, I then had to change out of my super comfy sweatshirt and jeggings (RIP) and put on an outfit that was not at all appropriate for 20-degree weather. Honestly, considering how tight my clothes were, that part took the longest. After that, I got ready in record time, but since the pregame didn’t start until 7:30, and by this time it wasn’t even 7:00, I just sat in my bathroom contemplating my existence for a half an hour and wondering where it all went wrong. 

When my existential crisis was up and it was time to party, we headed to the pregame. As far as pregames go, this one was bomb because They. Had. Food. And it was home cooked tacos to boot! By this point, I was more than happy to just stuff my face instead of getting trashed and going to a subpar EDM concert, but one thing led to another and suddenly I was holding a vodka lemonade and taking swigs like I hadn’t tasted liquid in years, and my friends were shoving me into an uber. So much for that plan.

***

9:30 p.m.:

First, I gotta give a shout out to our uber. We were only going from 2K to the Plex, but this guy has decked out his car with lights, beads, and a TV screen playing the first Harry Potter movie. In a Jeep. Those blissful 10 minutes of party in the back of a compact car were probably more fun and lit than Plexapalooza ever was, but alas, it ended too soon, and we found ourselves at the Plex. 

You can almost forget that Plexapalooza is in a gym. And by almost I mean, not at all. Although not unlike a shitty high school prom they decorate the basketball courts with lights, a huge stage, and even a photo op, it’s still the Plex, and it still feels, looks, and smells like a place where a bunch of sweaty people work out. 

Also, the number of underclassmen guys in sports jerseys was sickening. Do you not have any other shirts to wear? Is that your go to fashion choice? I almost thought I missed the memo until I saw one dude in a Hawaiian shirt and realized I just go to school with a bunch of frat wannabes. 

 

***

9:45 p.m.:

Almost an hour after the doors first opened and the event officially started, Cheat Codes came on. For the most part, their music was good. I cant say that I know any of their songs, but all in all, I liked the beat and they played some throw backs, and every now and then shouted “oh shit!” or “jump” to really get the crowd going. In terms of musicians, it was fun, and they were good at keeping the crowd entertained. They even threw things at us, like T-shirt and streamers, so you know they cared! 

What sucked were the people. Sorry, BC, but you don’t know how to act at events. I was stuck in between three — THREE different couples making out, one of which leaned into me for support because I think the girl was losing air. Then, five minutes in, there was such a huge push from the front that seven different rows of people fell back onto, well, me, which was the most action I got all night.

And the piece de résistance was when two guys behind me dropped the two girls they were trying to hoist onto their shoulders in synch. It was a hot mess, emphasis on the HOT since we were all crammed into a crowded, sweaty basketball gym. Sorry, but not even the good music could make up for the shit show that was the crowd. 

***

11:00 p.m. :

That glorified mosh pit lasted for about an hour and a half. When Cheat Codes ended, there was this mad dash to the bars that made the Boston Marathon look like a community 5K. Anyone who didn’t get on the buses just walked in 23-degree weather to try and get in line at MA’s, which was at capacity the whole night. After eyeing the line to get into bars and deciding we didn’t want to freeze to death, my roommate and I instead grabbed some grub at Amelia’s Taqueria (open till 1, fam!) and called it a night after three tacos and a horchata. 

So, to recap, I spent nearly three and a half hours preparing for an event that barely lasted 1.5, only to throw in the towel at 11:30 wishing I had just gotten more food instead and worn my sweatshirt. RIP.

Get your Marathon Monday shirts now before you forget! 

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