Upon discovering that a new digital creature had emerged in the virtual microcosm of Commonwealth Avenue, the entirety of undergraduate enrollment at Boston University escaped their dorm enclosures to flood the streets of the campus and its surrounding areas. The stampede, which one faculty member described as “the literal downfall of humanity and a disgrace to millennials everywhere,” occurred as word spread about the launch of The Black Sheep, a mysterious digital animal exclusive to college campuses.
“When I heard that The Black Sheep was coming to BU, I naturally assumed it was a rare Pokémon,” said Level 27 Pokemaster and avid Twitter user Jonathan Doh. “Naturally, I wanted to find it before anyone else, so I walked all the way from Stuvi to Myles Standish with no luck. I found a couple Pidgeys and an Eevee, but I had to turn back when I almost got clobbered by falling construction debris at the Annex. I knew that if I wanted to find this little guy, I had to reach out to the masses.”
Around 3 p.m. on September 4th, during the annual matriculation ceremony, Doh tweeted to his roughly 1,500 followers that there was a rare Pokémon on the loose, and tagged a Student Activities account, as well as BU Dining Services. Both accounts re-tweeted the post, causing a mass exodus from Agganis Arena and inciting an adrenaline-fueled Pokehunt that lasted late into the night and carried over to the next morning.
One professor within the College of Communication, who wishes to remain unnamed, found that attendance was dismal as the first day of classes began Tuesday morning. “Normally I expect a few no-shows for an 8 am on the first day, since a few people drop the class or simply aren’t used to waking up any earlier than two in the afternoon. However, this low attendance was unprecedented; in my 450-student lecture this morning, only seventeen showed up. It was dismal, to say the least.”
Citing exhaustion and innate collegiate laziness, an RA in Warren Towers saw more students returning to their rooms as Tuesday wore on to shower, sleep, and prepare for whatever late-evening lab requirement they paid $1,537 per unit for. “I think by around 2 p.m., a lot of kids just gave up. Many of them haven’t spent more than twelve hours awake all summer, and they just pulled the most impressive 46 hour stunt I’ve ever seen. Hopefully this means I won’t be busting any parties over the next few days; these guys are totally wiped out.” Those who quit early, prior to the start of classes, have reportedly been sleeping off the exercise and stress of Pokémon Go for the past day and a half.
A few die-hardPokémon Go players are still roaming the 1.3 mile stretch of Comm Ave., pacing frantically between West Campus and Kenmore Square, even venturing as far as Danielsen Hall with hopes of spotting the elusive Black Sheep. Those students who have come to their senses are encouraged to offer stragglers a bottle of Gatorade, a change of clothes, and gently remind these wanderers that The Black Sheep is instead a wicked funny new BU-centric website, and if you yourself are a wickedly funny writer, you should join our writing staff here!