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BU Community Mourns 2018 Beanpot Catastrophe

A tragedy struck Boston University on Monday evening — the BU men’s ice hockey team fell unbearably short in their quest for the 2018 Beanpot championship. They yielded, 5-2, to the Northeastern Huskies.

Mourners began gathering less than five minutes after the game’s final buzzer ripped through the ears of the Terrier faithful. Donning robes of crimson and white, they spilled out onto BU’s campus, marching in silent grief. Some carried signs sporting slogans such as “Pray for Rhett,” “Huck the Fuskies,” and “Two Minutes for Tripping?! Are You F***ing Kidding Me?!!”

“They crammed the streets,” one onlooker remarked. “My grandfather’s funeral procession was blocked for an hour and a half.”

“The traffic was unbelievable,” another person added. “I ended up being late to the hospital. I missed my wife giving birth to our first child.”

“What’s a Beanpot?” a BU freshman responded when asked about the painful loss. “Is it some sort of Chipotle fundraiser?”

According to trusted sources, Boston University President Robert Brown has already made several appeals to previous large-scale donors for monetary aid. Such aid would help the university recover from the unmitigated Beanpot disaster. At the moment, donors continue to ignore these appeals. Chief donor Rajen A. Kilachand has denied requests for comment.

“The lack of initiative so far has been inexcusable,” Sasha L. Justiss, a mourner and Boston University senior, exclaimed. “What could possibly be worse than losing to Northeastern? I mean, NORTHEASTERN!?? COME ON. This really is the worst timeline we’re living in.”

So far, the White House has been equally unresponsive to the Beanpot disaster. 

Remarks of the same insensitivity were on full display when The Black Sheep sought comment from other college students in the Boston area.

“I’m sure that in any other situation MIT would love to help the students of BU in this time of tragedy,” said Massachusetts Institute of Technology student Julia Smith. “But they haven’t been accommodating MIT frats on Bay State very well after refusing them entry to the Marciano Commons. Sooo…sucks to suck.”

“To be honest with you, I can’t sympathize,” said Mark Noble. He is an Englishman studying biochemistry at Harvard University. “See, where I’m from, university is about learning and preparing for a career. Not hitting discs with sticks.”

We remain to see whether the greater Boston community will finally regain its moral compass and realize the scale of the Beanpot tragedy. In the meantime, we at The Black Sheep would like to take this opportunity to issue a call to action. Since local universities are turning a blind eye to this tragedy, we are calling on you all to send aid to Terrier Nation. Become a Boston University donor. You’ll be able to donate food, money, and other essentials to our disaster-struck students and faculty.

We welcome all donations, large and small. They will help the Boston University community recover from this terrible event.

Please, remember the needy.

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