Career fairs. Funded Internship Programs 101 ft. CCD Room 101 at Yawkey Center. Handshake. If you’re seeing these triggering buzzwords thrown around it can only mean one thing: applying for jobs and summer internships is back in season, and the hunt for one of these bad boys is on. Cover letters may be left to die alone in some HR manager’s inbox and phone calls may not be returned, but you must not let your resume also fall victim to the application process called Hell. While you may be jumping to use anything that screams “experience” on your resume, we identified five shady skills you’ve learned at BU that you should definitely not put on your list of credentials.
5.) Executive Produce Handler:
Look: you may be salty af about the fact that BU takes pleasure in stealing $60k from you every year in exchange for a “quality education” (whatever that means), but that doesn’t mean you should be bragging about how proficient you are at stealing things on your resume either. Sure, you can discreetly steal 28 bananas from the dining hall while every dining hall worker gives you the hairy eye, but hey. The last thing you want is the BUPD showing up to your job interview over some stolen fruit. Now that would be bananas!
4.) Warren Towers Ass-sociate:
Your resume states that your interpersonal skills are off the charts. Although you may have “efficiently provided excellent one-on-one customer service in a friendly manner,” we all know that things actually got a little too friendly between you and Chad after a night of Netflix and Chill. On that note, here’s a friendly reminder from The Black Sheep that should help you polish up your resume: stop fucking around! Especially if those so-called interpersonal skills of yours are still on that damn piece of paper.
3.) H.I.S.S.: Head Intern of Some Snakes:
You’re the head intern? Congrats! That would be great if you were applying to use those dreadful skills you learned in CORE to backstab people outside of your snake circle, but we know you’re better than that. Oh, you’re applying for a Goldman Sachs internship and a Liberty Mutual internship? Well, unfortunately, things are out of our control now. You are what you apply for.
2.) Dining Points Manager:
When applying for management positions, everyone wants the hiring manager to think that their budget management skills are stellar. However, if they start to ask you about a time when you successfully managed an organization’s budget (because you claimed you were “savvy with money” on your resume), you absolutely cannot mention all those times that you splurged all of your dining hall points on Basho Sushi and Pinkberry froyo at the GSU within the first two weeks of the semester. Until you actually learn how to adult and use your money wisely, (yes, you will have to sacrifice those Starbucks blonde espressos from time to time), you can bank on keeping those skills off of your resume.
1.) Social MIT Frat Influencer:
The only influencer you’re being around here is one who’s under the influence. Three rounds of beer pong later, you’re dazed, confused, and ready to show all 4,543 of your ghost followers on Instagram a “candid” drunk pic of you and your bff trying not to puke on each other. Paid partnership with those MIT bros across the Charles! Ad-MIT it. While you may think that your work on social media is an impressive feat on your resume, your hiring manager may think differently. After all, not everyone will be inspired to get shitfaced drunk like you.
Now that you know what not to put on your resume, go on out there and apply for the job or internship of your dreams before some snake takes it from you. As Handshake says, you’ll be “one step closer to your next job!” Maybe then you’ll be able to pay off that crippling student debt that BU loves to foist upon its students.
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