With finals week just around the corner, hordes of BU students plan to set up camp in Mugar in the coming days. Unfortunately for all of you Mugar regulars out there, that means more sweat, more tears, and in the words of Mr. Krabs, more of a kind of smelly smell. The smelly smell that smells…smelly. Brace your noses for six lovely stenches that will linger in the library during exams. We can scent a big storm coming.
6.) Old Book Smell:
Nothing screams Mugar Library more than the classic, grimy smell of books. It’s no wonder that BU students refuse to check out—let alone touch—those aging bricks. Nonetheless, that old book odor that greets every BU student when they walk in really sets the depressing mood for a week full of Rhett’s, Adderall, and zero shuteye. You don’t need SparkNotes to figure out how this story ends.
5.) A Nasty #2:
Don’t feel alarmed when you suddenly smell a load of shit gliding through the air. That’s just the fresh scent of someone’s nacho-best-smelling dump floating around to remind you how garbage finals at BU are. You’re rotting away in a library with hundreds of other student-turned-zombies. Where has your shelf life gone? Inhaling 50 cans of Febreze from the Target in West couldn’t save your nasal passages or sanity at this point.
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4.) Salty Tears:
Everyone says that a good cry every now and then is perfectly normal and even healthy. So why not bawl your eyes out? With all of the tilted BU students shedding gallons of sodium-enriched tears during this ill-fated week, Mugar will smell like some very lightly salted rotisserie chicken from the dining hall in no time. Remember, there’s no scents in crying if your tears aren’t Sargent Choice. So keep the salty weeping to a healthy minimum.
3.) The Sweat Smell of B.O.:
Hitting the books can really break you out into a frenzied sweat, especially when you’re hitting them against your face in despair. Why did you think that it was a good idea to start studying the night before for your CH101 final? Panic aside, do us all a favor and apply generous amounts of deodorant to your perspiring pits. Your pungent, piss-smelling B.O. has turned Mugar’s already suffocating atmosphere into a toxic wasteland that reeks of FitRec’s locker rooms. TLDR; your B.O. stinks, just like your grades after finals.
2.) 4th Floor Sex:
In this odious maze of musty-smelling books, catching a whiff (or many) of some horny BU students trying to 69 it in a cubicle on the 4th floor is inevitable. But wait, there’s more! As if the lovely aroma of bodily fluids wasn’t enough to turn you off from actually being productive, this scent cums with an added bonus—sound effects! Your “intellectually stimulated” cubicle neighbors next door will take care of all of the moaning and groaning that comes with finals week while you silently fuck yourself over an erotic reading of calculus. A real page turner indeed.
If the BUS hits you on purpose the day before your RN100 final, then is it still considered an accident? Deep. This type of metaphysical shit smells like some good kush and an appalling philosophy final paper banged out in under an hour. But to be blunt: For every bong hit stealthily taken while in Mugar, also consider hitting the books. That PDP final for CPR and First Aid isn’t gonna save itself from failing…or is it?
Thanks to The Black Sheep, you’ve been given your warning of what’s to come should you decide to kill off your sense of smell. Breathing in enough of that stale, repugnant Mugar air might just get you sick enough to get out of finals. But if you don’t want to end up waiting an eternity to be treated by Student Health Services, then it might be best to poke your nose in your studies elsewhere.
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