The seemingly unlimited resources at college, all partially funded by your undergraduate student fee, make life full of temptation. Through trial and grievous error, we decided to investigate the 7 deadly sins as they pertain to BU.
1.) Pride — Shame by Lanyard:
Everyone at BU is fairly spirited, especially when it comes to hockey season and going absolutely nuts in Allston for a pre/post/during game party. However, school pride walks a fine line created by a long string of lanyards tied together. Wearing one around your neck is either the most minimal amount of school spirit you thought you could get away with, or it’s a flashing LED surround-sound CGI notification to all of your peers that you are definitely a freshman. Extra sinful if you got it at a BU open house or orientation.
2.) Envy — Grade Inflation Obsession:
BU is notorious for its grade deflation, and although there may not be an official policy dragging GPAs under the BU Shuttle, it can be hard not to gaze longingly down the river at our Cambridge counterparts, where the hardest part was getting accepted. The library can often be confused with the diebrary; don’t let your sinful envy take you to the bad end of town on the other side.
3.) Wrath — Endangering Species:
Sure, the chickadees and pigeons on Bay State are precious, but not all birds are the same. Have you ever twitched at the sight of a large feathered bird of prey? Have you considered punching an eagle in the face just to taunt a nearby BC student? Are you on a WWF watch list for secretly stealing and training millions of eagles to unleash their fury onto their ignorant worshipers? You may be suffering from BU-induced wrath. We suggest better outlets, including therapy, knitting, and solitary confinement in Mugar for the rest of your life.
4.) Gluttony — The “Unlimited” Meal Plan:
Technically, any meal plan is an unlimited meal plan if you never leave the dining hall. You probably already know the best dining hall hacks like the back of your hand, and have been yelled at at least twice for attempting to consume soft serve with no other utensil than your mouth. When they say “everything in moderation,” it doesn’t mean “everything in moderation.” Enjoy yourself, but remember that morbid obesity is frowned upon by society and inconvenienced gravediggers alike.
5.) Lust — Swiper too Swipey:
Everyone’s guilty of accidentally swiping up on Tinder every once in awhile, but you may be a perpetrator of lust if you find yourself swiping right on any person with some semblance of skin and a body (pulse optional). Consider carpal tunnel and early onset arthritis your penance for sliding into the DMs of bae, bae’s friends, bae’s cousins, and at least one member of bae’s immediate family that you were delightfully shocked to find in the Tinderverse.
6.) Sloth — Über Lazy:
An Uber Pool across campus is only $2, but that doesn’t mean it should be $2, or that you just have to take it to “contribute to the local economy” or whatever other obscure justification you want to use for you sad carpool parade from West to CAS. You may think you are discreet, but you will definitely be seen and will be forced to pay for your slothly actions by facing ridicule and subtweets across the internet.
7.) Greed — ?!?!:
One can only have greed if one has things to be greedy for. As a college student at one of the most expensive and rigorous schools in the nation, you having money or free time to hoard seems unlikely. What the flippity flap jack do you have to be greedy over? Yogurt? Your tears?!? The last remaining remnants of your soul?!?!? Asking for a friend that will totally not judge you at the time of your demise.
If you find yourself committing one of these deadly sins don’t fret, Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman will come save you, and everything will be ok. Right? We actually didn’t finish that movie.
Posted by The Black Sheep on Monday, October 17, 2016