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7 Questions We Have for People Who Say “West is Best!” in Earnest 

No matter how much and how often West campus inhabitants proudly proclaim that “West is Best,” us non-West campus dwellers remain repulsed by both the sheer distance of the place from the rest of BU and by the obnoxious people who (for some ungodly reason) like living there. In fact, we have a couple questions for these BU students who willingly subject themselves to living far away from the library, and from the best dining hall on campus… and from sanity in general.  

7.) What’s it like for borderline alcoholism to be your only personality trait?:
Finding out that BU doesn’t have an American football team must’ve been the worst news ever—until you found out that going to every BU hockey game totally plastered is definitely the best and only way to enjoy your weekends (hint: a little variation might make you a little less uninteresting). Similarly, claiming that you live in West because you like that it looks more like an actual college campus is a blatant cover-up for the reality that you like living in West because it’s closest to the only “hobbies” that you’re seemingly capable of having: drinking, drinking, and drinking. Sorry pal, you’re not fooling any of us. You’re about as interesting as President Brown’s endless emails to the BU student body: we see you, roll our eyes, and move on with our day.   

6.) What’s it like to have peaked in high school?:
The freshmen who live in West are likely to be the type of freshmen who didn’t get the memo that proudly wearing your high school varsity basketball sweatshirt three times a week makes you look like a total moron. These freshmen are also the type of freshmen to bring their high school friends on the Allston Crawl and start to physically quake if they’re unable to mention that they played lacrosse and were in crew in high school in every conversation (but then dropped both once they got to BU…so sad). High school was either pretty meh or absolutely traumatizing for the rest of us—which is why we don’t desperately try to cling to it by living in West.

5.) How in the world do you “genuinely enjoy” working out?:
Choosing to live close to FitRec because you know you won’t exercise otherwise is understandable, but choosing to live close to FitRec because you actually like exercise is mind-boggling. Living in East or South Campus (or in Danielsen, rip) and making the fifteen-minute trek to FitRec—50% of the time in the freezing cold—is enough exercise for the rest of us. Why would any sane human put themselves through more than that on a regular basis? This question is less about marveling at how you can be such an irritable person and more about wondering how you cope with routinely getting all sweaty and gross.

4.) Does diversity, uh, exist over there?:
Serious question here, guys. Whenever we’re over in West (God forbid), all we see are tall white guys in bright red BU sportswear and petite white sorority girls with totally-not-fake tans wearing BU tank tops. Vineyard Vines is also common attire. Is West just the unspoken campus haven for privileged BU students to gather to celebrate the money they have to throw away on alcohol and StuVi housing? Elitism and socioeconomic privilege often go hand in hand (yes, CGS students who live in West who are reading this list, we know “elitism” and “socioeconomic privilege” are big words, but try to keep up) in normal society, so it’s no surprise that West is the best place on campus for them to fester.  

3.) Do you study? Ever?:
Since Mugar is fifteen minutes away from your area of residence—along with the rest of your classes—do you ever get around to doing academic stuff? You know, the reason why you came to BU in the first place? Listen, we get that studying is hard. After all, West is definitely full of worthwhile distractions—who wouldn’t want to give up on their efforts to do well in college to get rip-roarin’ drunk in rat-infested Allston surrounded by smelly frat boys for the seventh weekend in a row? It’s hard to keep your academic priorities straight when the temptation to sin is right at your doorstep 25/8.

2.) How’s all that construction going for you guys?:
Watching the new and shiny Kilachand Center for Integrated Life Sciences and Engineering get built alongside the Desperately-In-Need-Of-Renovations COM was definitely a little painful to watch for some BU students. But at least that didn’t get in the way of the already hellish walk to and from class—sidewalk construction in front of the CFA, we’re looking at you. It’s a good thing the MBTA renovated the T before classes started—the image of hundreds of additional West campus dwellers crowding the already-crowded Comm Ave sidewalks is not a pleasant image in the slightest.

1.) Why are you even proud of living in West?:
Let’s be honest. Living in the most remote part of campus surrounded by rampant alcoholism, excessive bragging about how much you can bench / how cool your Little is, and innumerable “Saturdays Are for the Boys” posters is definitely not something to be proud of. For the rest of us at BU, the only good thing about West is that all of you obnoxious people are concentrated in one place that we can easily avoid by never crossing the BU Bridge. BU’s rectangular campus does come in handy for something.

So is West the Best? Meh. 

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