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Breakdown: A Day in the Life of Four Different BU Students Pt II

See, we were happy with the first one. We assumed that “A Day in the Life of Four Different BU Majors” would have its moment in the spotlight then bow out gracefully for the next weekly contender. So there we were, totally stoked to write a lovely little article on our recent interview with President Brown’s moustache when we get a mysterious phone call from a mysterious someone. “Write a sequel to ‘A Day in the Life of Four Different BU Majors,’” they said. “We’ve got to give the people what they want, and they want to hear more about the daily life of more BU students.”

And that was that. Instead of delving into the complex emotional journey of our President’s white whiskers, we have received instruction to make fun of more of you and the sad life of the BU student. Here are the results of us stalking another four BU students over the course of this past week.

 

Sullivan, mechanical engineering major:

6:30 a.m. Wakes up via his patented Wake-Up Machine™, which triggers his brain cells to open his eyes through wires connected to his scalp.

6:45 a.m. Opens his mouth to allow his patented Toothbrusher™ polish his pearly whites.

7:15 a.m. Laughs ironically, then maniacally, in response to voicemail from parents asking how his social life is going.

9:00 a.m. Passes time while waiting for his first class to start by hacking into the dining hall TVs and replacing the menu displays with Guy Fieri memes.

9:10 a.m. Begins first class of the day: Self-Doubt 101.

10:45 a.m. Launches a preemptive drone strike on his WR150 professor’s house after receiving a D+ on his paper.

11:15 a.m. Spray paints “N00B central” on the outside of the IT Tech Center building.

11:30 a.m. Takes his 9th test of the week.

12:45 p.m. Spends half an hour staring blankly at his MIT transfer rejection letter.

1:15 p.m. Builds a grenade launcher in attempt to take his mind off rejection.

1:45 p.m. Gets dragged, tarred, and feathered out of MIT classroom after being caught trying to sneak in for the 156,789th time.

1:55 p.m. Takes a quick dip in the Charles to wash off the tar and feathers then swims back across to Comm Ave.

2:05 p.m. Builds another grenade launcher to make himself feel better.

4:30 p.m. Has a good chuckle in the GSU while reading an article about machines replacing humans in the workforce.

5:15 p.m. Fantasizes about the T-800 from Terminator.

5:18 p.m. Fantasizes about Rachael from Blade Runner.

5:20 p.m. Fantasizes about R2-D2 from Star Wars.

6:20 p.m. Begins his daily 3-hour worship session of Elon Musk.

9:55 p.m. Takes his biweekly shower.

10:30 p.m. Begins studying for his four tests the next day.

2:30 a.m. Puts his Go-To-Sleep Machine™ into sleep mode, dozes off instantly.

Amy, hospitality administration major:

4:45 a.m. Finishes RA on-call shift, heads to bed for a couple hours.

6:50 a.m. Wakes up, organizes buffet breakfast for her entire floor.

7:45 a.m. Greets every single person in the StuVi lobby on her way out for her first class of the day.

7:47 a.m. Receives the usual flurry of questions from suspicious BUPD officer who doesn’t believe that the School of Hospitality Administration exists.

8:05 a.m. Forced to wear dunce cap after failing to say “Hello and welcome to Hospitality 101!” to classmate who arrived tardy.

10:15 a.m. Successfully deflects 37 questions about grade deflation while giving a campus tour.

11:05 a.m. Gives her phone number to her tour group, immediately regrets doing so after receiving texts from creepy prospective freshmen asking her if she wants to “hang out and watch Netflix sometime.”

12:30 p.m. Heads to her writing seminar, “The Rise and Fall of Four Seasons: A Historical Analysis of the World’s Most Influential Hotel Magnate.”

12:40 p.m. Receives the usual flurry of questions from suspicious professor who doesn’t believe that the School of Hospitality Administration exists.

1:50 p.m. Hits up her Spotify playlist for some bangin’ tunes, settles on “Hotel California” by the Eagles.

3:45 p.m. Takes the shuttle to East Campus so she can spit on HoJo for destroying a perfectly good hotel.

4:45 p.m. Spends an hour-and-a-half picking out the perfect welcome mat for her dorm on Amazon.

6:20 p.m. Receives the usual flurry of questions from suspicious roommate who doesn’t believe that the School of Hospitality Administration exists.

7:40 p.m. Tweets Paris Hilton for the billionth time asking for career advice.

8:30 p.m. Forces her boyfriend to watch introductory video entitled “Welcome to Paradise: A Guide to My Bootylicious Bod” before sex.

11:00 p.m. Takes notes on The Grand Budapest Hotel before hitting the sack.

 

Karen, CAS student:

8:00 a.m. Wakes up as usual for another average, run-of-the-mill day.

8:15 a.m. Does normal getting-ready-for-the-day stuff.

8:30 a.m. Eats a normal, orthodox breakfast.

9:00 a.m. Takes her usual route to class.

9:30 a.m. Does normie stuff.

10:45 a.m. Still doing normie stuff.

11:30 a.m. Still doing normie stuff.

12:40 p.m. Eats a normal, orthodox lunch.

1:00 p.m. Heads out to do some more normie stuff.

1:45 p.m. Nothing unusual going on here.

2:00 p.m. Pretty normal life here.

2:30 p.m. Just your typical afternoon, folks.

3:00 p.m. Nothing out of the ordinary so far.

4:30 p.m. FINDS A DOLLAR ON THE SIDEWALK!!! Highlight of the f***ing month.

5:30 p.m. Returns to her standard dorm room for some more normie activities.

6:45 p.m. Heads to SHS for a quick medical checkup, all results come back normal.

7:30 p.m.  Eats a normal, orthodox dinner.

8:30 p.m. Total normalcy here.

10:30 p.m. Hits the sack in her standard bed with standard mattress and pillow, maintaining her perfectly normal sleep pattern.

 

Kumar, Student Athlete:

4:00 a.m. Wakes up for mandatory early morning weight room session, immediately punches himself in the face for being stupid enough to enjoy sports as a kid.

4:31 a.m. Forced to do 100 burpees for arriving to weight room session a minute late.

4:45 a.m. Loses to Rhett in a competition to see who can do the longest plank, punished with 200 additional burpees.

6:50 a.m. Under “strong encouragement” from his health and fitness coach, reluctantly drinks questionably legal “nutrient combo shake” made with ground vitamin pills, papaya juice, vegemite, and other classified substances.

7:00 a.m. Weight room session ends, checks his phone and sees breakup text from his 5th girlfriend of the month, citing his lack of free time due to team’s practice schedule.

7:30 a.m. Returns to dorm room and collapses on bed from exhaustion, hits his head on bedpost, immediately triggering hour-long panic attack about the possibility of failing concussion protocol.

10:45 a.m. Heads to class in order to maintain the illusion that he might have an actual career after college.

12:45 p.m. Bombs a test in hopes of obtaining a low enough GPA to make him ineligible for athletic competition.

2:00 p.m. Comes dangerously close to attacking student after he overhears her complaining about her legs being sore from walking to CAS from West.

3:30 p.m. Struggles to resist temptation after coming across an ad for “legal steroids” while surfing YouTube.

5:30 p.m. Trudges over to West for his team’s evening game.

6:30 p.m. Inches ever closer to complete mental breakdown after hearing “I’m Shipping Up to Boston” for the 978,673,486th time during warmups for his game.

8:50 p.m. Heads to locker rooms in preparation for 500-burpee punishment after losing game.

9:15 p.m. Forced to sign autographs for overeager children of BU alumni.

10:00 p.m. Heads back to locker rooms to shower with the rest of his team, becomes uncomfortably aware of which of his teammates are clearly in the closet.

10:30 p.m. Sprints to his dorm room—in 20°F weather—to pack suitcase for his team’s 1a.m. flight across North America for their road game against the University of British Columbia the next day.

11:20 p.m. Sprints back to West—in 20°F weather—and is forced to do 50 burpees upon arrival as punishment for making the team bus wait for him.

11:22 p.m. Boards the team bus to find out that the only open seat is next to one of the teammates whose closet status he became uncomfortably aware of during the team shower.

11:55 p.m. Forced by head coach to stuff some of his team’s equipment into his suitcase after team equipment bag registers over the weight limit at airport check-in.

12:55 a.m. Boards plane and instantly falls asleep from utter exhaustion.

12:56 a.m. Becomes victim of the hand-in-a-bowl-of-warm-water trick, perpetrated by his teammates; wakes up and makes his way to the plane lavatory to rinse out his underwear.

1:15 a.m. Returns to his seat, flight attendant yells at him for delaying takeoff by not being in his seat.

1:20 a.m. Falls back asleep, unintentionally resting his head on the shoulder of teammate he sat next to on the bus in the process.

We hope you’re happy; a day in the life of another four BU students. Knowing how your fellow BU students are suffering—sorry, doing*—only increases school solidarity, right? Want us to do another four students? DM our Twitter and we’ll take it from there. 😉 

 

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