Thanks to SAO, literally ever BU club on campus is holding a Blaze Pizza fundraiser. It’s a good way to get students to dump money into their clubs, and in return the student get pizza and also Lebron gets more money, but we don’t need to get into that here. Most BU colleges are in desperate need of more funding, so what better way to collect donations than by holding a Blaze fundraiser themselves? Without further ado, here’s how each BU colleges would spend their Blaze fundraiser money.
SED: Not on the children, that’s for sure:
Known to be the most wholesome college on BU’s campus, you’d think that SED would have their Blaze fundraiser for the children, right? Nah. With the Wheelock merger in full swing, prepare to watch SED reclaim ground that is rightfully theirs. Don’t be fooled by the college’s sensible image, because SED will 10/10 use kids to guilt you into supporting their fundraiser. After all, there can only be one. (Hint: it’s not WCEHD.)
COM: Bring down that damn science building:
If you’ve ever felt angry about the fact that there’s a giant science building blocking part of the COM building, then it’s a no brainer that COM would hold a Blaze fundraiser to abolish this so-called Integrated Life and Sciences building. How dare BU spend $150 million on a building that “will further Boston University’s engineering and life science research endeavors,” as if they don’t spend enough money on that already. Round up the PR and advertising majors to spread the word about COM’s Blaze fundraiser. It’s time to assert your dominance and make some dough to eliminate this nuisance of a building once and for all.
Questrom: The que$t for more capital:
Tbh, Questrom doesn’t need a Blaze fundraiser. In fact, before any BU college can start fundraising, those money-hungry sneks will have already bought out the pizza chain entirely and will charge you double for that gluten-free pizza crust. To the other BU colleges: you may not have the chance to make a little extra cash, but expect a Blaze Pizza next to the Starbucks in Questrom soon. As those obnoxious t-shirts say, Questrom means business. And pizza.
Sargent: Screw pizza, come to our fit run:
Sargent and Blaze Pizza working together is like President Brown lowering the tuition: it just won’t happen. This fitness and health-crazed college won’t be hosting a Blaze fundraiser anytime soon because apparently pizza is unhealthy. Instead, catch Sargent holding some “fit run” or exclusive Sargent-choice tasting where you have to pay some absurd price to pretend you enjoy exercising and eating bland af rotisserie chicken. The cause? Get rid of Blaze Pizza.
5.) ENG: The living dead, any donations would help:
ENG may constantly brag about how much harder they work compared to the rest of BU, but sometimes they need a little help. If you ever see a zombie-like individual stumbling down Comm Ave, then it’s most likely a sleep-deprived ENG student running on pure caffeine. Put your college’s differences aside and support ENG’s Blaze fundraiser to supply these dead souls with some shut-eye and Adderall. In between the vicious cycle of arrogance, impossible problem sets, and curved tests, ENG needs funding to bring life back into these students.
4.) CGS: College of Generally Stuck in High School…Until now:
Since CGS students want to get out of CGS asap, it’s no surprise that their Blaze fundraiser would be for transferring into another BU college more quickly. CGS is like the hell we call high school—while your CAS and COM friends are happily picking out the classes to their liking, you’re stuck with Core curriculum and Capstone for two years. Such freedom. But before deciding to take on a big project like this fundraiser, consider how to be taken seriously by the rest of BU first.
CFA: You’re Starving Students, Man:
For the record, CFA probably needs a Blaze fundraiser the most because BU refuses to provide the necessary funds to renovate this shoddy-looking college. Sure, CFA is getting a $10 million new theater, but when will the next wave of donations come in? It must be hard to willingly give money to a college full of kids who think it’s edgy to vape while writing shitty poetry and exclusively listening to music on vinyl records. Think of the Blaze fundraiser as a way of feeding BU’s starving student artists and drawing in some real talent for once.
SHA: Sorry, who are we fundraising for again?:
If SHA can’t handle how to make themselves known to the rest of BU, then how can they expect their students to properly manage a hotel in the future? A Blaze fundraiser to increase the college’s awareness across BU campus is just what SHA needs, so unless you want to remain unknown forever, put that hospitality to good use. Remember, this college is still foreign to the rest of us, so be sure to be as welcoming as possible.
CAS: There’s not enough room to explain:
Ahh, yes. The college that’s in dire need of bathrooms that don’t smell like shit, about five more Einstein Bros. Bagels, competent professors, and students that will actually get jobs post-graduation. Honestly, the list could go on, but even if CAS did have a Blaze fundraiser, it wouldn’t come close to covering the costs of everything that this college lacks.
Now that you know how badly each college needs the money, think about supporting a BU college the next time that you go to the Blaze Pizza near West campus. A small donation to any college is better than Questrom buying out the pizza chain.
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