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BU March Madness: Central Campus vs. South Campus

Welcome back to BU March Madness! Last week, we watched some amazing matchups between teams representing East and West campus. This week, we see the teams from Central and South campus face off, all with high hopes of winning the title. The winner from this side of the bracket will face a physics major calculating the downward velocity of their GPA following a recent exam, a scrappy 9 seed who really stepped up their game down the stretch.

Who will face them in our final? Take a look!

BU MARCH MADNESS: CENTRAL CAMPUS

ROUND 1

1) Disillusioned senior stomping all over the Marsh Plaza seal vs. 16) Sophomore pothead openly toking up on the Esplanade:
In a good ol’ fashioned first round rout, the senior easily stomps the sophomore, spliff and all.

8) Troll living under the BU Bridge vs. 9) Admissions officer flipping a coin to accept/deny ED applicants:
Both are monsters, but my little sister might not get in if we don’t have admissions win…

5) Overly energetic mother of touring student taking 33 burst photos of Marsh Chapel vs. 12) Wimpy frat pledge worriedly spray-painting the “Greek rock” at 4a.m.:
Yes, the photos are blurry, but at least now Aunt Minerva can see what her niece’s safety school looks like. That’s a win in our book!

4) BU beach lifeguard vs. 13) Confused History major taking 3 classes in the Engineering Product Innovation Center:
Looking after thousands of lives daily from the CAS roof guard tower, it’s about time this beachfront hero gets the recognition they deserve.

6) Freshman snoring in Mugar at 3 a.m. on a Saturday night vs. 11) Student camping outside GSU to secure spot for morning Starbucks line:
Poor little freshie. Bored to sleep by your own WR100 paper. Still sleeping better than the idiot who’s waiting in 20 degree weather for a caramel macchiato!

3) Junior shipping themselves to Greenland at Warren FedEx before final grades are posted vs. 14) Law student skipping seminar to watch A Few Good Men on TNT:
Can’t blame this future litigator for skipping class to watch Tom Cruise, whereas their opponent “just couldn’t handle the truth!!!”

7) Asshole playing “Chopsticks” on the GSU piano for 38 minutes straight vs. 10) Questrom kid practicing mediocre Shark Tank pitch in BUild lab conference room:
He’s not the next Mozart, but at least our piano player isn’t trying to be a future failed entrepreneur…

2) Freshman interrogated by Warren security guard after an evening of strawberry-lime Jell-O shots vs. 15) CAS try-hard shoved weekly in a hallway locker by the hockey team:
We don’t know how they managed to talk their way out of it, but this crafty tipsy first-year defied the odds and made it to their room without swiping in! We’re impressed.

ROUND 2

1) Disillusioned senior stomping all over the Marsh Plaza seal vs. 9) Admissions officer flipping a coin to accept/deny ED applicants:
Less desperate to graduate by the day, this senior doesn’t give this officer the chance to leave it up to chance.

5) Overly energetic mother of touring student taking 33 burst photos of Marsh Chapel vs. 4) BU beach lifeguard:
One’s built like David Hasselhoff on Baywatch, the other does water aerobics at the YMCA pool. You do the math.

6) Freshman snoring in Mugar at 3 a.m. on a Saturday night vs. 14) Law grad student skipping seminar to watch A Few Good Men on TNT:
Turns out they were watching A Few Good Men in seminar anyway…the freshman snoozes on!

2) Freshman interrogated by Warren security guard after an evening of strawberry-lime Jell-O shots vs. 7) Asshole playing “Chopsticks” on the GSU piano for 38 minutes straight:
This freshman is the definition of cool under pressure, whereas the wannabe virtuoso has no chill.

ROUND 3

1) Disillusioned senior stomping all over the Marsh Plaza seal vs. 4) BU beach lifeguard:
This senior’s anger toward this institution outplays the “cool vibes” of the lifeguard, who, newsflash, actually works at the FitRec pool.

6) Freshman snoring in Mugar at 3a.m. on a Saturday night vs. 2) Freshman interrogated by Warren security guard after an evening of strawberry-lime Jell-O shots:
When it comes to life skills, lying in the face of an not-intimidating security guard is more valuable than writing an essay. That sleeping nerd couldn’t lie his way out of a paper bag!

ROUND 4

1) Disillusioned senior stomping all over the Marsh Plaza seal vs. 2) Freshman interrogated by Warren security guard after an evening of strawberry-lime Jell-O shots:
In a matchup of top-seeded powerhouses, we have to give the edge to seniority here. There’s too much hate to not appreciate!

BU MARCH MADNESS: CENTRAL CAMPUS WINNER:

Disillusioned Senior stomping all over the Marsh Plaza seal

 

BU MARCH MADNESS: SOUTH CAMPUS 

ROUND 1

1) Wine-sniffing upperclassman who finds Comm Ave “a little too cramped for his taste” vs. 16) Drunk Northeastern kid who walked the wrong way to their dorm:
The overbearing smell of beard shampoo and $27 pinot grigio sent his Husky opponent packing in Round 1.

8) Former Wheelock College student who isn’t sure what school she goes to anymore vs. 9) Senior overcooking a Stouffer’s frozen lasagna in communal kitchen every Wednesday:
In a real nail-biter, our poor Wheelock compatriot with an identity crisis edges out a win. How the hell can you burn lasagna, Louisa?

5) Junior who shares single apartment with a nice roach family vs. 12) Sleazy sophomore using his dad’s credit card on a Tinder date at upscale Fenway bistro:
Winning would mean a lot to Jill and Jason Roach and their 59 roachlets, and we’re happy to have them move on over Brad and his American Express Platinum card.

4) Entitled freshman cruelly laughing at Warren residents through brownstone window vs. 13) Student dragging $750 worth of Bed Bath and Beyond purchases back to Towers:
With a brownstone bedroom bigger than three Towers rooms combined, this freshman is going to be tough to beat down the stretch.

6) Sophomore wearing a tank top hauling ass to eat breakfast at Warren in the dead of winter vs. 11) Student who has maced a record 22 muggers this year:
If Erica can defend herself with pepper spray five times a month, then surely you can put on a jacket in the morning, Megan!

7) BUPD officer sadly unable to find one Saturday night party to bust vs. 10) CFA student pondering meaning of life while scarfing down Jimmy Johns:
Both are lonely souls, but we shouldn’t blame an officer for the total party lameness of one part of campus. A rare win for the BUPD!

2) Engineering major vomiting out Photonics Center window before crucial midterm exam vs. 15) Hospitality student running a small BnB out of vacated double next door:
We’ve heard great things about the BnB, but there’s something mildly heroic about a future NASA engineer losing his lunch onto highway 90.

ROUND 2

1) Wine-sniffing upperclassman who finds Comm Ave “a little too cramped for his taste” vs. 8) Former Wheelock College student who isn’t sure what school she goes to anymore:
Still dazed and confused, the poor semi-BU student is no match for this official BU uber-douche.

5) Junior who shares single apartment with a nice roach family vs. 4) Entitled freshman cruelly laughing at Warren residents through brownstone window:
Jill and Jason got a little tired of this spoiled freshie brat, so they sent some of their roachlets to scare her off…problem solved!

11) Student who has maced a record 22 muggers this year vs. 3) Tired COM kid who fell asleep on the BUS and woke up at the med school:
Erica is a badass chem-bio double major with a minor in classics and job post-grad, making this hapless COMmer look like he’s in elementary school again.

7) BUPD officer sadly unable to find one Saturday night party to bust vs. 2) Engineering major vomiting out Photonics Center window before crucial midterm exam:
This overwhelmingly sick engineer encapsulates how we all feel around midterm, and we appreciate him for it.

ROUND 3

1) Wine-sniffing upperclassman who finds Comm Ave “a little too cramped for his taste” vs. 5) Junior who shares single apartment with a nice roach family:
This snooty wine swiller called the cops after finding roaches swarming his room. Unfortunately, none were on duty in South, and he got eaten.

11) Student who has maced a record 22 muggers this year vs. 2) Engineering major vomiting out Photonics Center window before crucial midterm exam:
While both have bright futures, we think the guy who’s taking a midterm in his own vomit needs the win more than a dean’s list mace sharpshooter.

ROUND 4

5) Junior who shares single apartment with a nice roach family vs. 2) Engineering major vomiting out Photonics Center window before crucial midterm exam:
Once again, another student was “roached” into submission. One could see all these roach tactics as foul play, but we say a win’s a win.

BU MARCH MADNESS: SOUTH CAMPUS WINNER:

Junior who shares single apartment with a nice roach family

BU MARCH MADNESS 5TH AND FINAL ROUND

1) Disillusioned Senior stomping all over the Marsh plaza seal vs. 5) Nice roach family sharing single apartment with Junior

In an intense semifinal matchup, the roaches finally met their match: a huge stomping foot!!! Also, the senior picked up some Raid bug spray and just went to town…smart thinking!

WINNER OF CENTRAL/SOUTH BRACKET:

Disillusioned senior stomping all over the Marsh Plaza seal!

The final matchup is set! Tune in for our final week of BU March Madness coverage in which the two finalists will square up in a heated debate about why they deserve the title of “Most BU.” You won’t wanna miss it! Like really, don’t miss it. Actually. Please. Don’t.

Please.

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