Last week kicked off BU’s Weeks of Welcome, or WOW, as in “WOW, so many events for students to awkwardly attend and shuffle around uncomfortably at!” In the description of most events, the prospect of free food was emphasized heavily, because not even college is above bribery and pandering. The Welcome Week events included an Ice Cream Social, Tie Dye, and a four-hour bingo-style torture event offering pizza and desperation for concert tickets. In sum, there was an array of wholesome, alcohol-free events happening from September 2nd to September 10th for the cool kids to skip.
At SPLASH, one of the WOW events, the various organizations at BU handed out shirts, fanny packs, water bottles emblazoned with logos such as “Boston University A Cappella,” “BU Men’s Rowing,” and “BU Girls Who Like to Cry While Eating.” Across the field, above the blaring ?work work work work work work my salad body work work work work work work? there was the occasional explanation of “FREE FRISBEES” and “FREE STICKERS” and the unrelated “FREE GUCCI MANE!”
As the eager freshmen returned to their dorms, Longchamp and Hershel bags stuffed, seams bursting, with embroidered shirts, pens, underwear, dog collars, toilet paper, meat cleavers, and more, they remained just as jolly and pleasantly surprised.
“I can’t believe they gave us so much free stuff! We didn’t have to pay for any of these things. I feel so lucky,” says a new COM student. The student’s father was later quoted saying, “We just had to take out a second mortgage to pay for BU. Our roof is leaking and my favorite pair of Wrangler relaxed fit jeans have a hole in the butt. Also, I get really bad gas from the store brand of peanut butter we switched to to cut costs. The two matters are unrelated.”
The Black Sheep asked some recent BU graduates if they had any advice for new students in regards to what to do with the “freebies” they receive during Welcome Week. “Uhh, fake Donald Trump’s signature on one of the water bottles you get and sell it on eBay?” one graduate suggested.
Another, more grimly, suggested to us, “Put some red paint on one of the t-shirts and fall in front of a car on Comm. Ave and then frame them for hitting you. I have done this thirteen times and paid for all of last semester’s tuition with my settlement from an old Honda Civic incident in 2013. This is off the record, right?” Go Terriers!
What do sororities and the army have in common? More than you’d think…